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Is post-separation abuse a crime?
Yes, post-separation abuse is a criminal offence, as defined in the Serious Crimes Act (2015). Perpetrators can be sentences to up to 5 years in prison or made to pay a fine, or both.
Is post-separation abuse a crime?
Yes, post-separation abuse is a criminal offence, as defined in the Serious Crimes Act (2015). Perpetrators can be sentences to up to 5 years in prison or made to pay a fine, or both.
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Signs of post-separation abuse
Post-separation abuse can look very similar to domestic abuse within a relationship. It may be that there is more emotional abuse, coercive control, or financial abuse than physical abuse. However, physical abuse may occur after a couple has separated, for example in the form of stalking.
Some signs of post-separation abuse might be:
- Technology-facilitated abuse eg. harassing the victim with texts, emails, calls. The perpetrator may try to gain access to email accounts or phone calls or use stalker-ware
- The victim may find themselves isolated from family and friends, struggling to gain access to a support network
- The perpetrator may circulate lies about the victim
- Coercive control
- Counter-parenting – undermining the parenting of the victim or making decisions without consulting them, withholding child maintenance
- Invasion of privacy
- Blame shifting
- Outbursts of anger
- Abusive parenting – causing the parent anxiety due to abusive behaviour towards the child
- Not adhering to court dates or orders
This list is not exhaustive and post-separation abuse can manifest in many different ways.
Can the abuse stop?
One of the important things to note about post-separation abuse is that it can come in waves, known as the ‘cycle of abuse’.
It can be divided into four distinct sections and go round in circles.
- Tension building – the abuser becomes angry over the end of the relationship
- Abuse – the abuser lashes out, using specific methods to inflict pain on the victim
- Reconciliation – an attempt is made to smooth things over with the victim
- Calm – the abuser’s behaviour begins to ease, before the tension builds again
During segments 3 and 4, the victim may start to believe that the perpetrator has changed and question their reactions to the abuse. This can then make post-separation abuse hard to understand and identify when for the victim.
What are the effects of post-separation abuse?
There are huge emotional impacts of post-separation abuse. It can be extremely draining, cause a loss of hope and a real sense of isolation as it feels like nobody else understands. Some victims may have suicidal thoughts.
Financial impact – the abuser may unnecessarily drag the victim to court, purposefully rack up solicitors bills and court fees. They may withhold money, for example child maintenance. You might be left with the debts from the relationship.
Unfortunately, post-separation abuse can be long-term. Finalising a divorce does not usually mean the end of the abuse, particularly if the couple share children.
The abuser will want to maintain a sense of power and control over the victim which can be achieved through many methods, most obviously finances and children.
In most circumstances, it is unlikely that the abuse will stop. However, there are ways in which the survivor can manage the situation and techniques to remove themselves from direct abuse.
How can I deal with post-separation abuse?
Over time, post-separation abuse can get easier. For example, if your ex-partner starts a new relationship that takes their focus in a new direction. As children get older, abuse can lessen as the children start to manage themselves and become less of a vehicle for the perpetrator to abuse.
- Technology: get a new email address and change your number. This means that the abuser cannot access you except by the means you allow them to.
- Know your boundaries and set them
- Avoiding being alone with your ex-partner as much as you can
- Shift focus towards rebuilding your life
- Utilise your support network of friends and family that you can trust
- Get to know and understand your legal rights as an abuse survivor, for example you may be entitled to legal aid from the Government
- Seek professional support e.g. from a trained counsellor, a divorce coach, legal support or support from financial advisers (a podcast on dealing with economic abuse can be listened to here).
- Stowe’s Divorce Directory has a number of associated professionals who can help with nuanced matters that arise in divorce and separation.
Charities and Organisations that can help
If you are or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 999.
The National Domestic Violence Helpline is open 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.
Local domestic abuse services are available for support in your area.
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