False accusations of domestic violence: what can you do?

family law


Each week, Stowe Family Law solicitors answer readers’ questions on different legal issues.  A senior solicitor based in our Harrogate office, Theo Hoppen, family lawtackles this week’s topic.

“My ex and I are currently going through an acrimonious divorce and I was alarmed to hear that she has now accused me of abusing her and applied for a non-molestation order. I didn’t do anything of the kind. What are my options?”


Sadly, during the breakdown of a relationship it is sometimes the case that a spouse makes false allegations against the other.  This can be for a variety of reasons: to gain a perceived advantage in a child contact dispute or a dispute in relation to financial matters or sometimes simply out of spite and a desire for revenge.

If you are accused of domestic violence it is important to bear in mind that any allegations will be subject to scrutiny by the court and no judge will simply accept what your ex says without analyzing in detail her allegations.

If your wife claims that she urgently needs a non-molestation order, the court may grant her a temporary order on a ‘without notice’ basis. This means that you will have not received any notification of your wife’s court application before the court grants the injunction.  However, you will be given the opportunity to attend a court hearing within (usually) seven days of the order being granted and there ask the court to dismiss the injunction.

The most important first step is to take advice from a solicitor who specializes in family law and has experience of dealing with these types of cases. They will be able to advise you on your options.

As your wife has applied for a non-molestation order, she will have to provide a detailed statement setting out the allegations and the court will fix a date for a court hearing.  You and your solicitor will review your wife’s statement and discuss this.  Your solicitor will then be able to prepare a statement in response setting out your version of events.  This is an important document as it will be reviewed by the judge before you and your ex attend court. This is not an opportunity to detail every argument and disagreement during your relationship – rather, the purpose of the statement is to refute the allegations made by your ex.

Once the statement has been prepared, this will be sent to the court and a copy will also be sent to your wife’s solicitor. You then have two options.

First, you can agree to provide an ‘undertaking’ stating that you will not threaten, harass, intimidate or pester your ex (or other such wording as appropriate).  The wording of such an undertaking would mirror the wording in a non-molestation order.  An undertaking is a legally binding promise to the court and, if you breach the undertaking, you will be in contempt of court and there will be serious consequences.

You may well ask why you should do this if you are not guilty of domestic violence.  Crucially, the undertaking is provided on the basis that there is no admission by you that your ex’s allegations are true. The purpose of providing the undertaking is to avoid the stress and expense of a court hearing at which both you and your ex will have to give evidence and will be cross-examined by barristers about the alleged domestic violence. It is, in reality, a compromise solution.  As there are no admissions, the court has not found them to be true and your ex cannot rely on them in any other court proceedings.

Secondly, you may wish to defend the allegations and ask the judge to make a ruling that the allegations are false. This would require you and your ex to attend court.  The judge will consider your written statements and listen to the oral evidence you provided in court.  He or she will then decide whether some or all of the allegation are true or false.  This is of course a more “high-risk” strategy than providing an undertaking.  Even if you believe the allegations are false, it may be the case that a judge does not agree with you, for some reason.  You are then left with a ruling that you have committed domestic violence which could have a negative impact on any dispute regarding your children or in more extreme cases, on financial issues arising from your separation.


Theo advises on all aspects of family law including divorce and financial settlements, children issues, cohabitation disputes and pre-nuptial agreements.  He has a particular interest in financial settlements on divorce which often include issues such as trusts, inherited wealth and business interests.

Theo prides himself on offering first-rate client care and support throughout what is often a difficult time.

Stowe Family Law Web Team

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Dr Grumpy - January 27, 2017 at 6:05pm

So there is no way of clearing your name whatsoever?

Ruth Edwards - January 27, 2017 at 6:12pm

As a tier 1 Family judge. I have seen a rise of applications for non mols and allegations of domestic abuse.

Is it a possibility that the withdrawal of legal aid unless there has been DV might account for the rise?

Paul Apreda - January 30, 2017 at 9:13am

Hi Ruth – thank you for your very helpful comments on this issue. I’d be very happy to speak with you separately on the matters as I have been asked by the President’s office to submit some data around the rise in Non Molestation applications for a review that he is currently undertaking. My email is paul@fnf-bpm.org.uk I am the national Manager of the charity in Wales and a Trustee of the English charity. best wishes, Paul

Gary Martin - February 1, 2017 at 12:47pm

Probably, if police are not informed by say social services are (Of DV, even though nothing happened) what can you do?

Paul - January 27, 2017 at 6:38pm

The system is biased as it is always the woman who applies for a non-molestation order and she gets this as she has assistance from nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
When it goes to court in 99% of cases, the non-molestation order is ordered by the Court in favour of the woman

The new way forward is for men to apply for a non-molestation order as soon as possible as it is the first one who applies gets it, this has been tried and tested as per mensadviceline.org.uk

Paul Apreda - January 27, 2017 at 7:31pm

Thank you so much for posting this. You have no idea how useful it will be.

I completely understand the logic behind this advice. I suspect I may even have indcated to some of our service users that they might consider something similar. It is however an absolute outrage that someone facing a false and malicious allegation should find it the least worst option to acquiesce in what amounts to an admittance.

The real value of this piece is in the way that it so clearl illustrates what is wrong with the Family Justice system. An innocent man faced with the loss of his children, his home and his finances is better off agreeing to an undertaking that he won’t abuse his former partner because to defend it might mean that he’s ‘found’ to have been an abuser and that will completely ruin him.

Truly remarkable and a sad indictment of British justice

Calder Hughes - January 27, 2017 at 9:46pm

The advice given here is absolutely awful.

If an undertaking is given, it can be used to satisfy the LASPO criteria and give the person making the allegations legal aid.

Why on earth would you say this is a sensible path to take if there is no abuse?

I smell a rat.

Stitchedup - January 29, 2017 at 1:13pm

Firstly, I would like to thank Theo and Stowe Family Law for acknowledging false allegations of domestic violence.

Sadly however, the article demonstrates what an impossible and unfair position many men find themselves in. I have to say Theo, I cannot agree to your statement “any allegations will be subject to scrutiny by the court and no judge will simply accept what your ex says without analyzing in detail her allegations”. Indeed you’ve pretty much negated this statement with your account of ex-parte orders i.e. “If your wife claims that she urgently needs a non-molestation order, the court may grant her a temporary order on a ‘WITHOUT NOTICE’ BASIS. THIS MEANS THAT YOU WILL HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY NOTIFICATION OF YOUR WIFE’S COURT APPLICATION BEFORE THE COURT GRANTS THE INJUCTION” So how has the court scrutinised the allegations and how can a judge “analyse in detail” without hearing the other side of the story?? He/she has, has he/she not, essentially accepted what the ex says?? At the follow-up hearing, the man is essentially guilty until proven innocent, the order is made, now prove your innocence. The burden is on the man to prove his innocence and refute the allegations whereas the burden should be on he accuser to prove her allegations. This is a complete reversal of how our justice system is meant to work and often puts a man in the impossible position of having to prove a negative. Also whilst it may appear to be in the interests of the man to have the follow-up hearing at the earliest opportunity to have the non-mol extinguished at the earliest opportunity, it works against him if the burden of proof lies with him and he has to obtain evidence to refute the allegations, such as police reports or the like, which can take months to obtain. In my case I was served an ex-parte non-mol on at approx. 20:30 on a Friday night with the follow-up hearing scheduled for 10:00AM Monday Morning, no time to get legal representation and prepare a robust refutation of the allegations. Non mols and undertakings often go beyond ordering the man not to “threaten, harass, intimidate or pester your ex”, they often include an order banning all forms of communication, so the very act of talking to your partner or texting about something completely benign can, and is, considered contempt of court and could attract a custodial sentence. So non-mols and undertakings do not stop a man from “doing something he shouldn’t be doing anyway” as many judges like to say; indeed if that’s all they did they would be superfluous as that’s what criminal law is for. The whole process is a complete disaster and puts men in an incredibly dangerous situation, undertakings are really no better, the only difference being that you don’t have a ruling against you that you have committed domestic violence, so most men effectively have a gun held to their head and are coerced into accepting an undertaking which, in itself, leaves them in an incredibly precarious situation. This is draconian behaviour by the courts and, imho, breaches several human rights including a right to a fair trial, freedom of speech and freedom of expression, a right to private family life and equality of arms.

Non mols are superfluous not just because of criminal law, but because they don’t stop murders. If a person has got to the stage they’re prepared to kill, they’ve gone past the point of caring about the consequences or the fact that a judge has put an order on them. They cause immense bad feeling, result in separated families becoming broken families so are not good for any children involved, and put men under extreme pressure and a calculated disadvantage during one of life’s most stressful events. They just make it easy to convict perfectly decent, hard working family men for something that in normal circumstances would not be considered unreasonable let alone criminal behaviour.

Enforcing these orders takes up scarce police resources and distracts attention from men, women and children that are in genuine mortal danger.

Stitchedup - January 30, 2017 at 9:34am

Correction, I was served the order at approximately 20:30 on the Thursday night. Not that it changes much.

Euphotic - January 29, 2017 at 1:57pm


Our judge broke every proper legal policy described here. What does one do when the judge has no interest in allowing the Respondent show proof of the Applicant’s deceit of the court and dispel her false accusations?

The reason the applicant lied to the court was to become the sole resident parent so her physical violence and neglect would stop being reported; it worked perfectly. Local authorities gave up protecting our children the moment she refused to cooperate with them.

Any advice?

JamesB - June 1, 2017 at 12:47pm

re The reason the applicant lied to the court was to become the sole resident parent

Probably the majority of such applications are made for that reason, probably for the money and attention that follows the kids.

Its a snatch and grab and It stinks that the courts reward such stealing.

I had this nonsense thrown at me and was suprised the courts payed any attention to it. I was the one being assaulted. It calmed down when I submitted photos of my injuries and she had none. Police were particularly biased in favour of female – turn up arrest man, charge him, bail him not to be allowed home, until thrown out at court. That was the basis of a dodgy non mol order for a week or two, district judge said there must be evidence which exceeded on balance of possibilities threshold as I was charged, so it happened, even though there was no evidence, whole thing a load of shit. Probably increasing if it is a route to legal aid. When we had a proper hearing and I put my version of events and photos it was disposed of. I was later blackmailed into an undertaking, that’s a different story.

My advice to people faced with this sort of thing? Avoid ex without a witness present or recording on phone. Find girlfriend / FB whatever, point is avoid ex and sign nothing and dont expect any sense from any lawyers or courts as they investigate any nonsense with no evidence as the author says.

It is disappointing that lawyers string things out and increase costs at the expense of future relations and that they walk over the children especially like that.

JamesB - June 1, 2017 at 12:51pm

I don’t think spending money on lawyers to defend this sort of thing is worth it either, I self represented or get McKenzie friend. Unless you want shared parenting 50:50 or something.

Its a Mickey Mouse court really anyway, not a proper conviction and whats the point anyway, if your ex wants a non mol against you there’s no point going near her anyway, except contact which is a different matter and there are ways around. Like handover at public place.

Richard Nixon - June 1, 2017 at 8:38am

I have been receiving FOI data on NMOs from the Ministry of Justice since 2014 and this data show that there has been 20.2% increase in NMOs in England & Wales from 2011 to 2016 with high increases in NMOs in Sussex and West Midlands areas. Government ministers admit in letters to Mrs that there has been an increase in NMOs post LASPO but do not think the latest NMOs are being used for non meritorious applications for legal aid even thorough FOI data shows that they are most used form of DV evidence used to get legal aid. Government ministers say that because the judges are independent of the each government / HMCTS they cannot investigate the increase in NMOs in Sussex and West Midlands.

Stitchedup - June 1, 2017 at 10:17am

The MoJ are engaging in the post-truth politics of domestic abuse. It’s common knowledge that no evidence of domestic abuse/violence is needed to secure a non mol, so the use of non mols to secure legal aid is in itself non-meritorious.

JamesB - June 1, 2017 at 1:02pm

Thinking about it, why not act like a thug so your ex can get free legal aid and save needed money from being spent from the family pot. Just a thought. Strange places these, best avoided if possible and try and keep costs down as more you argue defend and attack the higher the lawyers bills. or self rep or go with a McKensie friend.

Stitchedup - June 1, 2017 at 1:39pm

No need to act like a thug James, the feminists have conjured a catch-all plan and convinced the courts that all abusers are charming in public, they’re just hiding the monster within. It’s a no win situation.

JamesB - June 1, 2017 at 4:37pm

Yes, I know. I am just thinking, why not just say, yes, whatever you say, with regards to everything other than finances, given the unenforceable of parenting orders. Its like arguing on if a square is wider or taller, silly and perhaps not worth the effort (or PTSD).

In the end I found it cheaper to lose then turn up and argue and win or draw. Like Albery Camus said, the Judges get upset and is the biggest crime when you start ignoring them. Because they give you an order that calls you a violent thug doesn’t mean you are one, I wipe my arse with their orders anyway.

Its like the KKK coming out in favour of Trump. Like who cares what they say.

I lost respect around round 40 in court when they declined to do anything to help me see my children other than advise my ex that it is in the children’s interests. They seem to be all about giving money to whoever has the children and very little else.

JamesB - June 1, 2017 at 4:41pm

To be fair I have seen them do decent things with regards to un contested application for adoption for orphans. I have seen them do good there, perhaps other things also, I’m hot and not feeling especially charitable towards them today. Quote was Albert Camus, L’etranger above.

JamesB - June 1, 2017 at 4:44pm

I mean, its not like a criminal record, or that you are likely to get decent contact if your ex grabs them and runs and disagrees anyway, sick joke these hearings.

The biggest shame is the victims who get no protection as the judge can’t see them as victims as they are the 100th application and the previous 99 have been manufactured. Like the boy who cried wolf. I suppose the world is not completely fair and has imperfections and these decisions are in the grey area. That said I have, like stitchedup, seen a lot of institutional bad decisions in these (E and W family law) courts.

Graham - June 28, 2017 at 11:05pm

thank you i was accused of domestic violence by my ex wife her motive was to gain visas she came from usa she lied to the police and court it cost me £28000 of legal fees but her sworn statement to court was lies and I have the evidence to show my ex wife lied in her sworn statement I have given this evidence to the police I was told by my solicitor to accept an undertaking as the cost of the trial was at least £15000 being severely disabled on benefits she had over 1 million dollars I had nothing she could use her money to get whatever she wanted in her sworn statement to court I have in my possesion evidence she lied over 30 times in her sworn statement to court she have no witnesses no evidence but she attempted to use a doctors letter as evidence when it was only her say so she has clearly financially broke me and has caused me to have strokes and a heart attack whilst she is laughing i need a solicitor to represent me because I want to her done for perverting the course of justice she lied

when you hear my case with the evidence I have you will clearly see she intentionally lied to deceive total deception by my ex wife now I have to sell my home and I am wheelchair bound
its a travisty of justice when someone lies to get gain i need help
thanks all

SeeTEE - September 30, 2017 at 4:56pm

The rise in male suicide victims as a result of this evil growing trend needs to be monitored.

Individuals who act in such a way, are a disgrace to genuine victims of domestic abuse.

By acting in such a unlawful way, they are also of course implicating themselves in child abuse, by wrongly denying their children appropriate access to the other parent.

Damatra - December 11, 2017 at 2:59pm

Hi everybody,
I have been in a relationship with a girl for few month.
Three month after we broke up she went to the police to file a complain about myself saying to the officer that I have been violent with her. I have been arrested, interviewed for 1h and spent 6h in cell. The Police let me go but kept my phone to investigate further.
This happened in October, I did not look for support a that time, naively because I was sure to be right and the justice will win. I, yet, don’t have anymore news about the file, and when I call the number they gave me the Detective in charge is never free to talk, and now after 3 month they still need to keep my phone.
The file is not been brought to the court yet, but as a French native I have no idea of my right in uk.
What is worrying me the most is the fact that I am Restaurant Manager in Hospitality industry and because of this arrestation I might never be able to find a job in my sector again. Indeed, lot of company are looking for people without any police past.
I did not report those fact to my company, scared to loose my job. Today this company is offering me a transfer to Singapore, where I need a visa for which I could not been arrested too.

Knowing I am not and I did not do what she claim, I can now loose everything for a false allegation
How should I proceed, knowing that I need to avoid as more as I can to go to the court.

g - December 11, 2017 at 3:59pm

I was falsely accused of domestic abuse as my ex wife was from USA and she wanted VISAS to stay in the uk without being married to me I am disabled I am dying of heart failure I have had strokes it cost me 21000 legal fees the police know she lied her doctor knows she lied every neighbour knows she lied and independent witnesses knows she lied she then fled the uk When my undertaking to court had expired she knew I was going to file in magistrates court for an arrest warrent on the grounds she perverted justice its a shame its easy for females to make false allegations and then it costs us money defending those false allegations even if I was to challenge he false claims in court I was looking at 15000 pound LEGAL COSTS defending my good name and her potentially her legal costs if I lost HENCE WHY i GAVE AN UNDERTAKING NOT TO CONTACT HER THE LAW FAVOURS FEMALES NOT THE MEN the police should prosecute false allegations as the same as false rapes claims but now she left UK and s back in USA thier is nothing I can do to right the wrong and because of her lies I now have to sell my home my wife made false allegations without no witness statements no evidence no medical evidence just he say so the law is perverse in favour of the female sex even as my wife did abuse me and I am in a wheelchair the police do nothing its one law for the females and one law for the men

good luck to all when you have a scornful deceitful ex wife like I endured g
(*Comment moderated)

chris - January 18, 2018 at 4:39am

ive raised my daughter for 10 years as my ex partner was no longer fit to due to neglect she had all four children put into care except my child who i wanted to look after,i won the court case had a soliciitors letter steateing i have full parental responsibilty till shes 16,my ex partner has since had yet another child and wants the income benifits and a bigget house so she stuck a non molestion order on me (which was absoulte rubbish) my daughter is there now i carnt get her back as the order wont let me go near not that i do ive not even seen her for over 1 year shes got my daughter to say shes fear of her life and prommiced her this lovley big new house if she lies and ive been given 6 hours a week in a public place contact carnt even take our home probably her mum thinks i will krep her there like she has me i rung police over 6 times to get her they said it was a civil matter unless i go down to get her then i be arrested meanwhile she facebook saying i hit my daughter and iam violent my daughters in a filthy flat alcohol; drug flat no food probibly in cupboards not been looked after seen outside at 2am wondering streets i carnt honestly belive this is happening ? the law basicly says anyone can get a non molestion order slapped on them say a pack of lies saying there been threatend with no proff of any of it?? most women are just going to lie free court i personaly carnt afford a private solicitor an she knows it hence the non mol order i hope the courts realise when ttey give her custardy because i carnt go court acting on my behalf what a big mistake they made …one horse race inocent people been treat like this is more than wrong ..hope one day the law will change so unfair

Richard Nixon - January 18, 2018 at 10:30am

Apply with EX107 form for a transcript of the ex-parte NMO hearing and when you get that back do the following:

1. Report the mother to police for perjury under section 5 of the perjury act 1911 and perverting the course of justice if you find relavant evidence in the transcipt
2. Apply to the court with an FL403 form for the NMO to be revoked on grounds of perjury under section 5 of the perjury act 1911 and perverting the course of justice

What court gave her the NMO and when did she get the NMO. Was it ex-parte / without notice or with notice NMO application?

I have relevant FOI data from the Ministry of Justice on NMOs in the England & Wales Family Courts as I run the Crawley, Horsham and Horley support group of Families Need Fathers, The FOI data shows an 30.3% increase in NMOs in all courts in England & Wales from 2011 to 2017 however in Sussex area the increase is 220.8% for all 5 family courts combined and selected courts in the Midlands region with large increases such as Birmingham (338.1%), Derby (955.6%), Leicester (201.4%), Lincoln (274.8%), Stoke-on-Trent (241.8%), and Wolverhampton (295.9%).
(*Edited by the moderators: it is not a good idea to leave email addresses in comments)

Smail - January 28, 2018 at 12:39am

This is what happens when someone is been accused you of domestic violence

– you lose your rights of legal aides
– you don’t get any help from citizens advices bureau
-if you are going to court n your own don’t expect any advices from P.S.U
-if you are paying for your Solisitors
– what I’ve noticed is everybody is against you starting from the district judge the social the police ..,.ect

Watch up the last minute hearing concelation made by here lawyers to make you spend all your money and ended by representing yourself in court
– well if your are atanding court in high Holborn families court you can not win the case even if you are supported by 100 barister

-m’y advice to anyone who was accused of dolostone violance don’t let the lawyers take your moneys,and start your new life instead

Good luck to you guys

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