Coercive Control

Here are some key signs to look out for:

• You are isolated from family and friends,
• You are deprived of basic needs like food or medication,
• Your time, activities and devices are monitored, sometimes through technology-facilitated abuse,
• Your everyday life is controlled, for example where you can go, even when you can sleep or what you can wear,
• You are deprived of access to support services, for example medical services,
• You are repeatedly degraded, called names, humiliated, and dehumanised,
• Your money is controlled,
• You are threatened and intimidated,
• Communication with others is monitored and controlled,
• You feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner,
• Any time you bring up their behaviour, they gaslight

At the beginning of the relationship, the victim may experience something called ‘love-bombing’. The relationship will often start out full of affection, with grandiose gestures and showering of gifts and compliments.

This is so that the victim becomes emotionally invested and dependent on the abuser, which is when their behaviour will change.

Coercive control is a crime under the Serious Crime Act 2015. This act made controlling or coercive behaviour within an intimate relationship, including family environments, where the behaviour has a serious impact on the victim, illegal.

Coercive control is an offence if the individual is someone you are personally connected to.

Many people do not know that coercive control is a crime or that it should be reported.

The first step is to educate yourself on the signs of coercive control and other forms of domestic abuse. Many victims struggle to realise that they are in an abusive relationship with a perpetrator of coercive control.

The abuser will create a false reality where the victim is left questioning themselves and others and struggling to make decisions. There is, unfortunately, no quick fix.

It is crucial to reach out for professional support, as well as the support of your friends and family.

Domestic abuse charities have staff who are trained in supporting victims and survivors of domestic abuse. Organisations such as Refuge and Women’s Aid and the Citizens Advice service provide  materials, written guides and outreach support, as well as providing safe spaces for people fleeing domestic abuse.

Seeking professional support from family lawyers will help you to leave your controlling partner and there is help available for the emotional trauma of the relationship, for example from trained divorce coaches, therapists, and counsellors.

You can find a webinar with Dr Emma Katz, one of the world’s leading academic experts on coercive control here on Stowe’s YouTube Channel and you can subscribe to Dr Katz’s blog.

Stowe Family Law have a podcast on how family lawyers can help victim-survivors of domestic abuse.

You can also call the National Domestic Abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247.

If you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

There are always local and regional charities you can reach out to for support and guidance.