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(Video copyright ITV 2008)
This week the news has been filled with reports of “Divorce D-Day”. Apparently, Monday was supposed to be the busiest day of the year for divorce lawyers.
“If soldiers could declare a truce at Christmas, why can’t warring parents? Even in the midst of war, there can be peace.”
At the darkest time of the year, for people of many faiths, a light comes shining through the darkness. December is one of the most beautiful months: we place lights in our homes, in gardens, in our parks, to light up our streets, and on beautifully decorated Xmas trees to celebrate festivals that give us hope and faith for the year to come.
My own family celebrates Chanukah, the ‘Festival of Light’, with children lighting different-coloured candles every night for a week. They sing festive songs, eat doughnuts and tear their presents open with sticky fingers.
When our son was still a toddler, we took him to Disneyland for Xmas. On Xmas Eve we stood in a long winding queue round an enormous, beautifully lit Xmas tree, waiting to meet Santa. We could hear his booming American voice wishing each spellbound child in turn, “Merry Christmas little one!”
Finally it was our son’s turn, and he toddled into Santa’s Grotto. Santa looked at our awestruck little boy, staring open-mouthed with wonder at Santa’s red outfit and luxuriant grey beard.
“Happy Chanukah little one” said Santa out of the blue. I laughed and said, “How do you know?” He winked and replied, “Father Chanukah knows everything”.
Knowing that light in the darkness brings hope to everyone in the world, I feel so sorry for families experiencing breakdown. For them, this year’s festivities will not be as they were. As Xmas approaches, I have been listening to parents expressing concern, pain and anger that domestic turmoil will ruin their children’s Xmas. For children, Xmas should be full of light, hope and love - and nothing less. They shouldn’t have to endure the fall-out from ongoing vitriol, the distress of divorce proceedings and the time it takes to conclude a settlement. At Xmas, when children are away from their parents, or if the holiday period is divided up with disproportionate contact, the parents’ pain is very real.
I believe that with a good deal of effort, it is possible to place emotions on hold at Xmas, if just for a brief period of time. In 1914, English and German soliders fighting in the First World War declared a truce on Christmas Eve. For a few hours, the Great War stopped and the soldiers played football against one another. Even in the midst of war, there can be peace.
I write for the benefit of those who are experiencing family breakdown and for fellow family law professionals. Please note that all persons mentioned in the scenarios are fictitious: details have been deliberately changed in order to protect identities and other confidential circumstances of my clients.
Please also note the advice I give in each scenario must not be relied upon by anyone reading my blog. You must always take your own legal advice as your circumstances may be different and English family law is continually changing.
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