What’s the best way to attend a wedding? There must be a better way if, like me, you don’t particularly enjoy getting poshed up all day, making small talk with people you barely know, sitting ramrod-straight and getting up and down throughout the ceremony. Then of course you can virtually guarantee you will have the worst table by the kitchen at the wedding breakfast and like it or not you will put your foot in it, somehow with somebody, after a few drinks.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to attend a wedding and not go through all that rigmarole, to just relax all the way through?  Especially during the best part: when you see the bride come down the aisle to be given away by her parents, about to start a new life with her partner.

This Monday I “attended” just such a beautiful wedding and, I think, in the best possible way! Let me explain…

It was 6 pm and the sun was setting behind the pale honey walls of the Old City of Jerusalem as Mount Scopus lay in the distance. I was standing high up on the balcony of our hotel watching a wedding scene taking place on the terrace below.  I could see the hustle and bustle of lorries and cars still thronging up the hill beyond as they entered the Old City through the Jaffa Gate. Alongside the gate stands King David Tower and there were still lots of tourists walking around the old Roman walls during this cooler part of the day.  I could see churches, synagogues and mosques spread across the city on rolling hills. Somewhere in the distance out of view is the Western Wall, all that remains of the Jewish Temple destroyed by the Romans in 70 AD and which stood on Temple Mount, the holiest place in Judaism. The wedding below me was taking place under a canopy facing towards the Western Wall.

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How many of us take our loved ones for granted? It is easy to forget that in a split second, lives can be transformed forever.

Last week I had finished writing my post about John Ruskin, had exercised flat out on my Wattbike and was looking forward to a calorie-filled Sunday lunch with my sister Suzy and our husbands. We were going to try out a restaurant in Harrogate and then do some Xmas shopping.

Then the telephone rang – and everything changed.

My sister was crying on the phone. Our mum had fallen and was in hospital. Dad had called Suzy in a dreadful state and asked her for help. My parents rely very much on her because she is a wonderful nurse with them.

The accident had happened in Netanya, Israel, where my parents spend part of the year. Mum had been admitted to hospital and my sister needed to travel out as quickly as possible. We were told that it wasn’t serious: my mum was in shock, but ok.

Unlike Suzy, I know I’m not a good nurse – but I do have my uses. Within 20 minutes I had my sister and her London-based daughter, Abby, booked on the next flight out from Heathrow and a car had arrived to take Suzy straight to London’s Heathrow Airport. With Suzy on her way, I spent most of the day on the phone to my dad, trying to keep him calm. He sounded increasingly desperate as he described my mum’s condition. Very worried about them both, I telephoned some of their friends and asked them to see if they could help until my sister arrived. When the friends called back, they made some comments about my mum’s condition that worried me more. My sister arrived, phoned from the hospital and said that although my mum was suffering from superficial head injuries, her condition was stable and there was no need for my brother or me to travel out.

The next day the world changed again. Suzy asked me to get there as fast as I could. Continue reading »

It isn’t often that I decide to do this, but I have just dashed off a letter to The Independent. I have been moved to write in response to this excellent piece by Howard Jacobson.

Sir,

Caryl Churchill’s controversial play Seven Jewish Children (Howard Jacobson, 18 February) depicts hate-filled, evil Jewish mothers corrupting their children. Ms Churchill is clearly not a Jewish mother, and has no Jewish children. On the other hand the mother of the late Yoni Jesner, a British medical student blown up by a suicide bomber on a bus in Tel Aviv, is dual qualified. Continue reading »

Faith can be of real help to those inclined to call upon it.

On Saturday night, millions of Jewish people around the world will sit down to a festive dinner called the “Seder”, to celebrate the beginning of the eight days of Passover.

It is an opportunity for the whole family to gather round the dinner table and retell the biblical story of how Moses led the Children of Israel out of Egypt, crossing the Red Sea and wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, before arriving in Israel, the Promised Land. They escaped slavery and avoided the 10 plagues, which “passed over” their homes.

It is a time for the children to take part by asking four questions of the family. Traditionally, these are sung in Hebrew by the youngest child present, who starts off by asking, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” Those gathered round give answers, enjoy their dinner and give thanks for their survival. It is a festival which passes on the story of Jewish survival against all the odds. Moreover – and importantly – it is a time for celebration of the family and family life.

It is the issue of faith, no matter how that faith is defined, that repeatedly comes back to me in my everyday work. This, despite the fact that faith is often viewed as being “off the wall”, “irrelevant” or the provenance of extremists.

In a world that seems to worship the “have it all” mentality, no matter what the cost, so many of us seem to have forgotten that faith can be a force for good. Faith can give us a set of moral standards against which we can judge ourselves and make decisions. According to a recent study, we are all much wealthier than we were 20 years ago; but how many of us stop to give thanks for what we have? What we have is precious, but is easily lost – and all too easily thrown away. Continue reading »

Perhaps I have been fortunate; in my experience, arguments over religious divorce between parties are swiftly resolved.

The row over the Archbishop of Canterbury and his comments about the “unavoidable” introduction of parts of Sharia law has gone global. I have some sympathy for the beleaguered Archbishop, because he is a deeply sincere man and wholly committed to the Church of England. He appreciates that we live in a multicultural society and wishes to embrace and welcome those not of his Church. In general, I believe he has been misinterpreted and misunderstood. However, I can also understand how his comments have caused great offence to all faiths and have been viewed by many as inflammatory. He hoped to do some good, but seems to have achieved the opposite.

As the debate has gathered in intensity, the apparent “exclusivity” of the interplay between the Jewish faith and English family law has also emerged as a subject for discussion. Being Jewish and a divorce lawyer I may be able to offer a little clarity. In my experience, the two work quietly and successfully together. I also believe it is important to note that the relevant part of English civil law is not exclusive – but is equally available to all faiths. Continue reading »