It is frequently the case that the tearful woman who comes to see me for her first appointment has lost her strength and self-confidence. As her case progresses, however, the client undergoes a transformation. She begins to reassert herself and resumes control of her future.

Years later, I can bump into the same client and barely recognise the energetic, self-assured woman who stands before me. We women are far stronger than we know. Some of us only realise this strength after years of conditioning and low self-esteem. Others are strong inside and out – and they have always known it.

I was musing upon this recently, after I ended up sitting next to two fashionably dressed men at the recent Selfridges sale in London. (Sat next to? During a sale? Yes. The only way to shop the Selfridges sale is to fight your way through the massive front doors, check out the crowds, immediately admit defeat, head straight for the champagne bar, order a glass of pink champagne and unwind while watching the throng do battle. I also recommend finding some stylish company with whom to share the moment!)

All three of us watched, open-mouthed in admiration, as the woman on the television screen above our heads made her recorded appearance at Selfridges. The singer Grace Jones emerged from a Range Rover, dressed in gold, and stood on the bonnet of the car waving to the crowds. She looked amazing.

Known for her striking appearance, strong voice, extraordinary hairstyle, modelling, film appearances and larger than life temperament, Grace Jones has dared to appear on stage with live lions and tigers. She currently appears in concert wearing only a series of fantastic jackets, hats and a thong. Once, during a well reported altercation – and there have been many – she is alleged to have described herself as “Queen Bitch Jungle Mother of New York”. She certainly makes life interesting for us! Continue reading »

New Year’s Eve and another year, indeed a decade, is almost over.

How has this year been for you? If it has been anything like mine, it has been a rollercoaster. It has passed by very quickly and, looking back, there have been some real highs. There was the faster than expected development of our Cheshire office, our acquisition of a London office set to open next year, and five of our cases included in the Law Reports. I also appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, debating against Baroness Deech on possible changes to the law on cohabitation.

 There have also been some lows: my surgery and a long slow recovery from its complications, getting used to major lifestyle changes and a dash to Israel to deal with a family emergency. I’m no different to anyone else: we all have our ups and downs, our highs and lows.

I have chosen to share many of those very personal up and down moments with my readers, because this blog isn’t just about family law and how it works in practice. It is also about connecting with other people, sharing feelings and emotions, and going through good times and bad together. Continue reading »

I recently watched an incredibly personal interview with the band Fleetwood Mac on the BBC, in advance of their forthcoming British tour. The band members are clearly older and wiser than they were in the late 1970s. They had stories to tell about the emotional turbulence in their lives when arguably they were at the height of their success. It made fascinating viewing for me, a fan who keeps The Very Best Of close by in my bedroom.

I love the music and I love their voices, but I must admit that the words haven’t always made sense to me. I’ve just been conscious that these are world-class artists producing world-class timeless music. Now I understand how their tumultuous lives have contributed so much to their art.

Many clients begin their meetings with me, assuming that what I am about to hear is new. It isn’t. I’ve already heard the account of the breakdown of their marriage or relationship, over and over again. Different faces, different people – but fundamentally the same story. What is interesting is that when a relationship does break down, the parties don’t always have the same tale to tell. One will blame the other. One may blame a third party. The other may say it wasn’t the third party. Perhaps he or she will insist that the relationship has simply run its course.

And so it was last night, watching and listening to the band members. Continue reading »

Dirk Lindner’s edgy portrait of Jean-Christophe Novelli and Novelli’s daughter Christina caught my eye as I was scanning The Sunday Times Magazine yesterday. I began to read the interview and I was soon hooked. It was a cracking piece, featuring the well-known chef and his 22-year-old daughter, an aspiring singer-songwriter.

Novelli married young, had little money and worked all hours. He pulled no punches about the fate of his first marriage, which ended in divorce when his daughter was six: “Her mum and I had absolutely nothing in common apart from this unique child”.

The interview was angled fairly sympathetically towards him, although I suspect his first wife would probably tell a different tale.

I have heard such stories many times before, of course. It isn’t my function to judge; there are many reasons why marriages don’t work.

At this point, the interview could have become yet another recitation of marital breakdown. Instead it took an interesting direction, focusing upon the effects of the divorce and the subsequent parenting arrangements upon the daughter. Continue reading »

How healthy is divorce litigation for everyone involved: clients, their families, the lawyers and others? How healthy is it for anyone involved in these cases?

Paranoia is a profound distrust or suspicion of others, which goes hand-in-hand with the belief that one is being persecuted. In divorce, these feelings can have some basis in reality. There may indeed be someone out to get you. Usually, it is the person to whom you had hitherto been closest: your spouse.

Unfortunately, divorce causes some people to become irrational or even delusional. Their perceived “persecutor” is nothing of the sort and may actually be a spouse who wants nothing more than to move on with his or her life.

The painting above is called “Paranoia”. What are the figures in the painting staring at and so worried by? There is no-one visible outside, so what or who do they think may be coming in through the door? Are they right to be worried or are they paranoid? Continue reading »