Last summer I visited Porto Ercole in Tuscany, Italy. There, I reflected on some recent family law cases – and the lack of change in human nature since the time of Caravaggio, who died on the rocky beach I was visiting and is buried nearby.

Caravaggio was a master of human nature, which he summarised ably in his paintings. No-one knew more than he of the flaws in the human character, which can lead to profound suffering. He inflicted suffering, and suffered for it. He lied, cheated, gambled and murdered. He was wracked with guilt thereafter, yet left a peerless legacy to the art world: some of the most descriptive, moving and greatest paintings ever produced. Caravaggio knew the nature of torment.

It is 400 years since he died and until 10 January this year, the Borghese Gallery in Rome exhibited some of Caravaggio’s artwork together with that of 20^th Century artist Francis Bacon. Another artist who has been called “a tormented painter”, Bacon has also been  described as “one of the most anguished artists of the 20^th Century”. He had a fascination with the Crucifixion and an open mouth, a Scream. These two artists were featured together: they may have lived four hundred years apart but according to Anna Coliva, the director of the Borghese Gallery, they are “linked by a deep suffering for the human condition and an internal sense of devastation”. It was quite an exhibition. Immensely moving and thought-provoking, it was a stunning success.

Shortly after the Rome exhibition ended, a case called K v L resurfaced in the English courts. It is the same case that troubled me when I was in Porto Ercole, and about which I wrote at the time. It concerns a convicted paedophile who attempted to claw a share of his former wife’s fortune. Unable to bring herself to face him in court, she had resorted to giving evidence through a video link-up.

The husband subsequently attempted to appeal an order in the ancillary relief proceedings, and his application was heard in the Court of Appeal a few weeks ago. This case continues to trouble me. Why must the wife be the tormented one of the pair? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Continue reading »

Sometimes, clients who come to see me are in a state of shock. Not everyone appreciates how serious this condition can be. There are different medical types of shock, but psychological shock is a traumatic reaction following a dramatic, unexpected incident such as a family crisis. In my field it can often occur when the client unexpectedly learns of an affair and/or the other spouse’s decision to end the marriage.

It is important never to underestimate the impact of shock on a client. Shock affects a client’s state of mind and can take weeks, months or even longer to overcome. Some of those who find it difficult to return to normal can even develop the more serious (but treatable) condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

When I see clients who appear to be suffering from shock, I politely and gently suggest that they return to see me when they are able to give me the information that I need to advise them appropriately – and also when they are able to make an informed decision about their future. It is clear even to me, a lay person, when a client is in deep shock and unable to take in a single word that I am saying. If a client persists, then of course I will give my advice – and I will follow it up in writing, as I do with all clients. At least the client will have something to read when they feel better able to take it in.

How does psychological shock manifest itself?

The symptoms vary but at first there may be numbness, a feeling of being dazed and an inability to absorb the information which has led to the shock. The mind will keep replaying the information, totally denying it, refusing to believe it can be true. Nothing else that is happening will matter: the surrounding circumstances, the people, what is playing on the radio… They will all blur into the background.

I had never experienced “shock” at first-hand until very recently. Put simply, it was awful. Continue reading »

Some recent, and surprising, court decisions from offshore jurisdictions, namely Bermuda and Jersey, demonstrate the fluctuating levels of cooperation that the English family courts can expect to receive in divorce cases.

In English divorces when there are offshore assets, often held in offshore trusts, it is common for wives to meet with resistance when they try to find out information about those assets or trusts from their husband.

One way of remedying this is by issuing Letters of Request. These are letters from an English court to the appropriate authority (usually a court) in the other jurisdiction requesting information about the assets or trusts held in that country. The letter is written by your solicitors, who then apply to the English court for its approval and to request that it is sent. The English court can, and frequently does, amend the content of the letter.

After receiving the letter the authority in that other jurisdiction can choose to do three things: Continue reading »

Women are still encouraged to “have it all”, juggling motherhood, marriage and high-powered careers without dropping any of the balls. So what gives? A stressful lifestyle can leave its mark on family life: perhaps it is no coincidence that many of the clients we see at Stowe Family Law are in their late 30s or early 40s, with young children.

At the same time, the latest statistics show that divorce rates have fallen to a 29-year low. There are several reasons for this but clearly, the rise of the working mother and soaring stress levels have not triggered a divorce epidemic. So if greater numbers of women are “making it work”, how are they doing it? I have my own ideas…

Winding down after a hectic series of meetings in London last week, I had lunch at J Sheekey in Covent Garden. (For relaxing and taking stock, this fish restaurant is the perfect venue: yummy comfort food, the best wine, white linen tablecloths and old-fashioned puddings!) My lunch companion was in her early thirties. She is very bright and our conversation kept me on my toes. She also has a bustling, highly-pressured lifestyle that makes mine pale into insignificance.

She is married with two young sons. She commutes to Central London every day; her husband commutes to his job on the south coast. Continue reading »

Some female clients point to the lack of remorse shown by a cheating spouse. “He denied it for months on end”, “he told me I was imagining things and that I’m mad” and “he won’t even say sorry!” are just some of the comments that I have heard many times over.

A new study, the results of which were published in yesterday’s Daily Mail, concludes:

Men really do feel less guilt than women… From forgetting to post a birthday card to embarking on an affair, the male of the species is less likely to feel remorse, sorrow, empathy or anger.

The problem, say the study’s authors, is not that women feel too much guilt – but that men feel too little.

Appearing on BBC Radio Manchester yesterday morning I was asked if, as a family lawyer, I agreed with these findings.

From reading the article it appears that men are indeed from Mars and women are indeed from Venus.  At no point, apparently, do we think similarly about wrongdoing in our relationships with one another. Put simply: women will recognise what is wrong and apologise and men don’t recognise what is wrong and won’t. It was a man after all (the late Erich Segal) who coined that phrase: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Perhaps that phrase was more telling than even he realised!

It is true that some female clients fixate on the lack of remorse shown by their cheating spouse. They can also spend a long time canvassing opinion as to why he still won’t apologise. If that is the case there is no doubt the divorce process becomes even harder to settle, because in refusing to at least hand her the moral high ground, the husband is also preventing her from restoring some of her lost self-esteem and self-confidence.

Continue reading »

On Friday I enjoyed the company of family lawyers from around Europe. We had gathered in Paris for the opening of the law firm Cabinet CBBC (formerly the Cabinet Veronique Chauveau). With so many of us gathered in one place, the talk turned to family law – and how we are separated by our respective countries’ laws, customs and conventions.

Within the European Union, transnational family law does not operate as smoothly as one might reasonably expect, despite the determination to create a genuine area of freedom, security and justice whereby decisions taken in one member state are recognised and enforced throughout the EU.  Member states operate different divorce laws for its citizens, which may vary dramatically in other member countries. When litigants in member states look – understandably – for the smoothest way out of their domestic tangles, they can come a cropper.

It was a stylish and memorable evening (pictured above: with CBBC partner Alexandre Boiche and others). When I arrived at CBBC there were more than 100 people drinking champagne and attacking the buffet. The firm is located in the heart of Paris on Boulevard de Sébastapol, across three floors in a beautiful building just across from the courts on the Île de la Cité, next to Notre Dame Cathedral. I plunged straight in with my terrible French, which fortunately didn’t last too long, because most people took pity on me and spoke English!

I chatted to German lawyers from Stuttgart and Saarbrucken. I had a conversation with a French professor of law about French divorce law; there were diplomats present with an interest in child abduction cases.

Talking, it became clear that we continue to be divided and exercised by the laws that appear, vanish or change whenever a border is crossed. For example, Paris isn’t London. We don’t have a Civil Code; we have statute law and conventions of judge-made law.  La Manche divides us geographically (even if there is a tunnel underneath) but there is an economic, cultural and social divide that is reflected in our different law, practice and procedure. Continue reading »

Divorce cases that involve disagreements about children are often described as “difficult”. Emotions run high; at a local level the judiciary may have to fall upon its own judgement when asked to choose one suitable option above others. Bitterness, heartache and large legal bills can result. Is there another way? I think so.

The majority of children cases relate to the practical arrangements of what happens to their children following the breakdown of a marriage or parental relationship.  As Head of the Children’s Department at Stowe Family Law, I have been involved in a number of cases in which one or both parents have asked the court to intervene.  Sometimes there are issues that concern child protection; other cases feature styles of parenting that are no longer considered acceptable after a relationship’s failure.  The majority of cases concern the practical arrangements and the frequency and duration of the time each parent spends with the children.  It is this latter category that has caused me growing concern over the past few years.

The pressures under which the local judiciary operates have not helped. A case scheduled for its first, second or even third appearance may only be listed for a quarter of an hour.  Judges are asked to make rigorous, reasoned decisions quickly – and yet some of these cases feature complexities that stretch back years.  There may not be time to facilitate a fragile agreement when everyone feels so rushed.

The other difficulty is that too much pressure is placed on parents to sort out their own problems. In some cases, this is simply too much to ask.

My solution?

Continue reading »

As family lawyers, we talk a lot about needs when we advise our clients. We talk of capital needs for housing, transport and to redeem liabilities and income needs to meet ongoing annual and monthly expenditure. Needs are trump cards for arguing for a departure from an equal division of capital for a wife with children who cannot otherwise re-house, even if it means taking inherited assets away from the beneficiary in some cases. Needs apply equally to income as to capital, and are an important concept in family law.

Within ancillary relief proceedings, each party will give full and frank disclosure of their financial situation. As part and parcel of that disclosure process, each party must also complete a budget sheet, setting out what they say they need to meet their outgoings. We provide all Stowe Family Law clients with a budget sheet at the outset of the proceedings, so that they can consider their own needs early on.

I thought of this as I read an article over the weekend in the Saturday Telegraph Magazine, about a family who had been asked to account for every penny that they had spent in a month. The point of the article was to highlight whether we are in fact aware of what we spend, even in the current recession driven economy. The couple in question were successful, with an income of £150,000 per annum, an income that most people would consider enormous, yet they were still spending more than they earned. Continue reading »

It is frequently the case that the tearful woman who comes to see me for her first appointment has lost her strength and self-confidence. As her case progresses, however, the client undergoes a transformation. She begins to reassert herself and resumes control of her future.

Years later, I can bump into the same client and barely recognise the energetic, self-assured woman who stands before me. We women are far stronger than we know. Some of us only realise this strength after years of conditioning and low self-esteem. Others are strong inside and out – and they have always known it.

I was musing upon this recently, after I ended up sitting next to two fashionably dressed men at the recent Selfridges sale in London. (Sat next to? During a sale? Yes. The only way to shop the Selfridges sale is to fight your way through the massive front doors, check out the crowds, immediately admit defeat, head straight for the champagne bar, order a glass of pink champagne and unwind while watching the throng do battle. I also recommend finding some stylish company with whom to share the moment!)

All three of us watched, open-mouthed in admiration, as the woman on the television screen above our heads made her recorded appearance at Selfridges. The singer Grace Jones emerged from a Range Rover, dressed in gold, and stood on the bonnet of the car waving to the crowds. She looked amazing.

Known for her striking appearance, strong voice, extraordinary hairstyle, modelling, film appearances and larger than life temperament, Grace Jones has dared to appear on stage with live lions and tigers. She currently appears in concert wearing only a series of fantastic jackets, hats and a thong. Once, during a well reported altercation – and there have been many – she is alleged to have described herself as “Queen Bitch Jungle Mother of New York”. She certainly makes life interesting for us! Continue reading »

I have already written about the Court of Appeal’s recent decision in the Marco Pierre White case. Divorce, Full Disclosure and Marco Pierre White looked at the Hildebrand Rules and at what can happen when clients take matters into their own hands. Hildebrand Documents and Marco Pierre White examined the judgment in detail. Frances Gibb, Legal Editor of The Times, contacted me about this significant ruling to ask about its implications for family law practitioners. The story appears on page three of today’s newspaper:

Marco Pierre White challenge could change divorce battles for ever

Take one celebrity chef, separate him from his wife, sprinkle with allegations of intercepted letters, simmer and serve with a landmark ruling.

Marco Pierre White, the former Michelin-starred chef and television presenter, is pursuing his estranged wife’s lawyers in a test case that could change for ever the way that divorce battles are fought. Family lawyers warn that the chef’s lawsuit could end the practice by spouses of turning detective to unearth evidence.

White recently won a landmark ruling that enables him to proceed against Withers, the City law firm that was acting for his estranged wife, Mati, over the interception and seizure of his personal papers. The action is expected to come to trial this year and has already prompted enquiries from clients who think that they may be able to lodge similar claims.

Lawyers say that any spouse who wants to do her own detective work because she suspects that her husband is lying about his finances will lose a crucial weapon if White wins the case. They are calling for urgent guidelines so that they and their clients know where they stand. Continue reading»