Frank Arndt heads the International Law Department at Stowe Family Law

Our International Law Department receives a steady stream of enquiries from popular ex-pat destinations such as France, Spain, Switzerland and Australia. Some callers wish to know if they can issue divorce proceedings in England. As I have noted previously, many wives have good reason to file here if possible, because the financial settlements can be advantageous. Other clients seek qualified advice about the various legal avenues available to them, drawing upon our firm’s expertise in cross-border divorce, asset protection and our network of international legal contacts.

The department is headed by Frank Arndt, who speaks a number of languages fluently and has higher rights of audience in the Federal Court in Germany. He is a member of the International Society of Family Law and the International Bar Association.

Frank recently wrote an article for the online magazine Expatica, which is packed with useful information and has been well-received. In it, he details the “ten essential pieces of advice that should be followed by any ex-pat parent facing the challenge of family breakdown”.

I have copied the piece in full below. If any overseas readers have enquiries or comments, please use the comments section or the confidential contact form - I will forward all queries. Continue reading »

How many parents really understand what their children want and what they need?

Perhaps it was my reaction to the McCartney divorce that prompted me to take some time out for a week’s vacation with my son. At the request of a journalist, I had been considering what Beatrice McCartney’s feelings may be if, when she reaches an age to understand, a kind “friend” shows her a copy of Mr. Justice Bennett’s gruesome judgment of her mother. At the very least, it could cause her a lot of pain. And how will her psychological development be affected by such turbulence within her family?

People talk a lot about the impact of divorce on children. Even so, when I listen to some of them, I have the feeling it is only lip service. How many parents really listen to their children, to try and understand what they want and what they need?

 I am not divorced myself, but I do have a child. On an impulse, I decided to whisk my son away to the heat of the desert in Eilat, Israel for a week. I hoped to find out how he was faring in his student world. He has certainly been working very hard. As it turned out, he wasn’t the only one with plenty on his mind. Continue reading »

Some of the cases with which I become involved strike me as “entrapment”.

Following my comments about cohabitation, Mr. Justice Charles, a veritable Sir Lancelot in shining armour, rides to the rescue!

I am often asked to advise mothers who have not married their partners. They need to know the financial settlements they can expect for themselves and their children when cohabitation breaks down. The reasons why they have never married are varied.

In cases involving wealthy men, I have often found that the husband’s fear of paying a substantial divorce settlement is a key factor. Such men view themselves as open chequebooks. Yet they also want to have their fun. That usually includes an attractive woman and unprotected sex.

Some of the cases with which I become involved strike me as “entrapment”. I can recall one wealthy client, who had to confront a paternity suit from a Russian nightclub hostess after a one night stand. He had been wined and dined in a London club and, having drunk too much, had picked up the stunning looking woman. Following unprotected sex, the woman announced that she was pregnant - and paternity tests would later confirm that he was the father. This man was unlucky. Before the child was even born he was faced with the mother’s applications for housing, maintenance and capital.

Continue reading »

  From the Guardian’s commentisfree… blog, 18/03/2008.

Heather Mills may have done well out of her marriage to Paul McCartney. But to get there the couple waged a vicious and unnecessary war

By Marilyn Stowe

Millions of spectators round the world have been following the divorce battle between the McCartneys. It has grabbed media attention like no other case since the divorce of the Prince and Princess of Wales.

It was vicious. It was played out for all it was worth. On the one side: the abhorred but greatly distressed wife, who acts and speaks before she thinks. On the other: a tight-lipped phalanx of the most expensive black-suited lawyers in the country, out for a big win.

And now that it is over, it seems clear to me that there are no winners. Instead, everyone has come away humiliated.

McCartney publicly dumped Heather Mills. He issued proceedings against her based on her “unreasonable behaviour“. Knowing her as well as he did, what did he expect her reaction would be? Deeply wounded, she emerged to fight back in every way she could - and the parties went to war.

If ever there was a way not to conduct a divorce it was this.

Continue reading »

Cut the red tape: why won’t politicians help cohabiting couples?

I saw Baroness Thatcher on TV three times this weekend. I saw her twice on the Spitting Image reruns and laughed at the satirical takes on the absolute power she wielded over her fellow politicians. Then I saw her on the news, aged 82, leaving hospital. She was clearly very frail, but determined to walk unaided, despite her age and infirmity. Agree with her politics or not - and sometimes I did not - her spirit and fearlessness remain admirable.

Following last week’s debacle over cohabitation, I wish that our present leaders had such backbone! More than ever, I am convinced that in its dying years, our Government has become bogged down in red tape and paper-shuffling.

We have learned that the Government won’t be changing the law for cohabitants. Plans to do so are being held “in abeyance” while we wait and see how the Scots fare. This is because the Scots, who certainly don’t defer to opinions expressed in English media, have already changed their own law.

The message from Whitehall is, as usual, wrapped up in bureaucratic jargon and more red tape. Now taxpayers’ money is to be wasted on a futile “comparison” exercise; after that, I suppose, the subject will be quietly put to bed.

For goodness sake! Continue reading »

“If soldiers could declare a truce at Christmas, why can’t warring parents? Even in the midst of war, there can be peace.”

At the darkest time of the year, for people of many faiths, a light comes shining through the darkness. December is one of the most beautiful months: we place lights in our homes, in gardens, in our parks, to light up our streets, and on beautifully decorated Xmas trees to celebrate festivals that give us hope and faith for the year to come.

My own family celebrates Chanukah, the ‘Festival of Light’, with children lighting different-coloured candles every night for a week. They sing festive songs, eat doughnuts and tear their presents open with sticky fingers.

When our son was still a toddler, we took him to Disneyland for Xmas. On Xmas Eve we stood in a long winding queue round an enormous, beautifully lit Xmas tree, waiting to meet Santa. We could hear his booming American voice wishing each spellbound child in turn, “Merry Christmas little one!”

Finally it was our son’s turn, and he toddled into Santa’s Grotto. Santa looked at our awestruck little boy, staring open-mouthed with wonder at Santa’s red outfit and luxuriant grey beard.

“Happy Chanukah little one” said Santa out of the blue. I laughed and said, “How do you know?” He winked and replied, “Father Chanukah knows everything”.

Knowing that light in the darkness brings hope to everyone in the world, I feel so sorry for families experiencing breakdown. For them, this year’s festivities will not be as they were. As Xmas approaches, I have been listening to parents expressing concern, pain and anger that domestic turmoil will ruin their children’s Xmas. For children, Xmas should be full of light, hope and love - and nothing less. They shouldn’t have to endure the fall-out from ongoing vitriol, the distress of divorce proceedings and the time it takes to conclude a settlement. At Xmas, when children are away from their parents, or if the holiday period is divided up with disproportionate contact, the parents’ pain is very real.

I believe that with a good deal of effort, it is possible to place emotions on hold at Xmas, if just for a brief period of time. In 1914, English and German soliders fighting in the First World War declared a truce on Christmas Eve. For a few hours, the Great War stopped and the soldiers played football against one another. Even in the midst of war, there can be peace.

Continue reading »

A client came to see me for the first time, accompanied by her mother.The client was attractive, well-groomed and smartly-dressed. Her mother, meanwhile, looked drawn and tired.Mrs X began by saying she felt hot. Could she please remove her jacket and her cardigan? It wasn’t hot at all but my trainee, who was there to take notes, helped her remove them. It didn’t do the trick. The client was perspiring profusely, but this isn’t unusual for those who are stressed about seeing a solicitor for the first time.My client then asked if I would mind if she removed her wig. I hadn’t realised she was wearing one. So with me sitting there, beginning to wonder what this was all about, the client took off her wig and placed it in her bag. She sat through the interview, completely bald, and began to tell me about her cancer. It had been diagnosed at a late stage, she had a life expectancy of about 20 months at most, and she had come to discuss her children’s future.

Mrs X was 38. She had two children, aged eight and six. When he had learned about her cancer, her husband had left her. He had been unable to face her illness, and for many months had been having an affair. He had told her that she could have whatever she wanted from him and that his affair “wasn’t serious”. He simply couldn’t cope. Her concern was not so much about a divorce, as for the children and what would happen to them. She wanted her mother to care for them following her death. She spoke of accepting her terminal cancer but said that without her husband, it felt difficult and pointless to continue to fight.

Continue reading »

“Will my client ever forgive her? It is unlikely.”

Some years ago, a client came to see me about his wife. He was a consultant at a hospital. She was a medical researcher at a university. According to him, their sex life was good and there had been no signs of any problems. Then one day, like a bolt from the blue, the wife announced that their marriage had gone stale - and that she wished to “move on”.

The couple had attended two counselling sessions, but these had failed to throw any light upon his wife’s decision. She denied that a third party was involved, and my client was adamant that she was telling the truth. The couple both worked extremely long hours, and shared the care of their children with a live-in nanny. The nanny had been with the family since the birth of their youngest child eight years previously.

I asked him about his wife’s work pattern. He told me that she travelled fairly frequently; sometimes, when he was working nights or weekends, they passed “like ships in the night”. They had both agreed that children would not adversely affect their careers, but he had made considerable sacrifices. He had declined lucrative private work, to better assist with the childcare arrangements. He felt such sacrifices keenly and described how his wife had spent the previous evening with a “girl friend” at a pop concert, while he had stayed at home to babysit.

From a legal perspective, the case seemed relatively straightforward. I advised him that there was no reason why a shared childcare arrangement could not continue as before, but from two homes. I did point out that if the nanny went to live with the mother, it was likely that the children would spend more time away from their father.

The finances could also be split equally, as both husband and wife earned similar incomes and were likely to reside in similar properties. The couple’s pension arrangements were slightly imbalanced in pension in the husband’s favour, but this was unlikely to make any significant difference. Both parties had healthy parents, so inheritance prospects were not relevant. My client would probably have to pay agreed child support and contribute equally to school fees.

On the face of it, there were no major problems.  However, my client hadn’t listened to a word. He explained that he had come to see me because, as a woman, I might be able to make some sense of what had happened to turn his life upside down.

I asked him if, when he made diagnoses, he ever gave his opinion without being absolutely certain. When he admitted that this was frequently the case, I told him that I suspected his wife had begun an affair. I advised him to go home and ask her again, because the cost of false hope was tormenting him. His wife needed to tell him the truth, to put him out of his misery.

A few days later he telephoned to arrange another appointment. I had been right: another person was involved. His wife was conducting an affair with a work colleague - another woman.

Continue reading »

When Heather Mills made a spectacle out of herself on worldwide television recently, I found it difficult to sympathise with her. Quite simply, she was out of control: “on a frolic of her own”, as lawyers are wont to say. She has become mired in a mixture of self-pity, anger, self-righteousness and the injustice of an imagined nightmare endured in front of the world. Aligning herself with the McCann family and the late Princess of Wales, she seemed to be saying to us: “You have pity on them - have pity on me”.

 Ms Mills is playing out her role as abandoned wife for all she is worth. She has her side of the story to tell, and I have no doubt at all that she believes every word she says. She has been lambasted in the media, but her efforts are producing results: the image of Sir Paul, a national treasure, has now been tarnished.

I think she intends to continue - and make a fortune into the bargain. From a legal perspective, however, Heather Mills is pushing her luck to the limit. She is not supposed to discuss her marriage until the case is over. In all probability, speaking out has already cost her a small fortune in her settlement.

Last year, in an article written for The Times, I suggested that Sir Paul should pay up generously and fast, to gag his errant wife for his own sake and for that of his family. Sadly, this never happened; the damage has been done and is likely to worsen. Will Sir Paul be able to stop her- permanently - in the court battle to come? Last year I might have said no, but her uncontrolled display has led me to reconsider this prospect.

Undoubtedly, Ms Mills has the right to freedom of expression. However, under Article 8 of the European Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms 1950, Sir Paul and his family from his first marriage have a right to a private life too. Under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, they also have the right to protection from harassment. Therefore they can ask the court to make a permanent injunction, to stop Ms Mills washing the family’s dirty laundry in public.

Continue reading »