Using a “friend” as a spy is the height of sneakiness…

In case you missed it: click here for my earlier countdown of the Top Ten Dirty Divorce Tricks, numbers 10 to 6.

Here are numbers 5 to 1:

• 5. Spending money wildly, as a form of “payback”. Some spurned wives choose to take revenge by spending as much as they can on their husbands’ credit cards before the husbands realise what is going on. One client of mine with an Amex Centurion card received a credit card bill for £30,000 for jewellery purchased by his wife from Cartier. A further £20,000 had been taken off his card and to pay her lawyer’s bills. In such cases, the household bills may well be left unpaid. The court does have power to add back wasted monies, so all is not lost.

• 4. Assaulting the spouse and the new partner. This tends to prove much more satisfying if it takes place in public, thus causing the maximum possible embarrassment. I was involved with one case in which the wife was found to have hired a hitman against her husband. In another case, the wife threw a brick through the front window of her dentist husband’s surgery. This was a whammy in more ways than one as the glass shattered all over the practice nurse - also the husband’s new lover - who had been sitting at her desk by the window! Continue reading »

Covert operations to uncover your partner’s secrets

For certain people, divorce - or even the thought of divorce - brings their very worst qualities to the fore.

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster. When people are really hurting, particularly if they have been “swapped” for somebody else, self-preservation becomes all-important. But for some, such a state of mind leads to all-consuming hatred, malice and a desire for vengeance.

After 25 years as a divorce solicitor, nothing surprises me anymore. Drawing upon my own experiences - some of them eye-opening - I have compiled a countdown of the top ten dirty divorce tricks. 

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With a forensic accountant as an advisor, a client can be given a swift measured opinion. 

Here at Stowe Family Law we have our own in-house forensic accountancy department. It happened more by accident than design.

About four years ago, I had lunch with a partner at a well-known accountancy firm. I had encountered him professionally on a number of occasions, when he had acted for our clients and against them. I was impressed, as I knew local barristers were, by his sensible, moderate and economic approach. He didn’t waste time and money asking questions that made no difference to the outcome. He was good at giving evidence and his concise opinions were respected by the court. 

As we had lunch it dawned on both of us that we could work together, to offer a novel service to our family law clients that other firms did not. We shook hands there and then. This was how the accountant in question, Nick White, came to join us. It was as simple as that. I liked him, I trusted him and I trusted him to advise our clients. The arrangement has worked very well, and Nick White now heads our flourishing forensic accountancy team.

It means that when clients come to see us, there is no frustrating wait for financial information before we can advise on tactics. Instead, we can begin work immediately. This is particularly pertinent when we have to consider a freezing order (known as a Worldwide Mareva) against a client’s spouse. In such a case, time is of the essence.

With access to Companies House and global databases, Nick can download information, analyse it immediately and advise us where to concentrate our efforts. He can tell us if the client is likely to be chasing rainbows, or if there really is something worth looking at. He can provide immediate advice about the likely scale and nature of a case.

On occasions, a client’s understanding of a spouse’s financial situation does not match the reality. With a forensic accountant as an advisor, the client can be given a swift measured opinion at the first or second interview.

Similarly, our forensic accountants can provide advice about the likely value of a client’s business for the purpose of a divorce.  Continue reading »

In my experience there can sometimes be “darker motives” behind a permanent move to sunny climes.

The Institute of Family Policy has announced that across Europe, divorce rates are rising. The think-tank’s latest study, which is out today, has concluded that marriages here are breaking down at the rate of one every 30 seconds.

With one million couples divorcing every year, the number of people choosing to marry has fallen sharply: between 1980 and 2006, the marriage rate fell by 24 per cent.

However, my attention has been caught by a couple of statistics buried deep within the report.

Just four countries - Spain, Germany, Britain and France - account for 60 per cent of divorces in Europe. The three countries with the highest rates of divorce are Spain, Belgium and Luxembourg; there, two out of every three marriages are breaking down.

These are rather alarming figures - and it is interesting that Spain pops up on both these lists. After all, it wasn’t so long ago that this country had one of the lowest divorce rates in Europe.

To my mind, there are a number of reasons why. Firstly, the divorce rate in Spain has risen sharply since the government there introduced an “express divorce” bill in 2005, which has made divorces quick and easy to obtain. Secondly, I find that the popular view of Spain as a deeply conservative, religious country is outdated. Like its European neighbours, Spain has moved with the times - and the social stigma that was once bestowed upon divorced women has been significantly reduced.

One final reason springs to mind. My practice, Stowe Family Law, specialises in international family law. We have noticed that over the past few years, our number of expat clients - many of whom are based in Spain - has soared. Continue reading »

“There is so much more out there” such a person might say. “Ditch him or her, and make the most of your life.”

A constant concern of mine is the worrying role that “friends” can play in divorce. If I hear about a “friend” or if a “friend” appears in my office alongside my client, warning bells will ring.

In my experience, “friends” come in all shapes and sizes and are always loyal, sympathetic and helpful - at least on the surface.

However, clients often complain that their spouses’ “friends” have encouraged the breakdown of a marriage. They speak with anxiety - and often downright hostility - about the roles played by these people in the lives of their spouses. In some cases, “friends’” lifestyles appear to be incompatible with married life.

Such “friends” are often newly acquired and may be divorced themselves. They usually juggle hectic social diaries. For a spouse plodding along in a dull, lifeless marriage, this sort of person can hold a magnetic attraction.

“There is so much more out there” such a person might say. “Ditch him or her, and make the most of your life.” Following nights out together, glamorous lunches and holidays away, even newer “friends” may appear. Continue reading »

Matching parents’ wishes with your own evolutionary desires

Conflicts between parents and their children about the choice of a partner is a tried-and-tested literary device - from Mrs Bennett’s lamentations about Elizabeth’s refusal to accept Mr Collins’ proposal to Bridget Jones’ indignation at her mother’s attempts at matchmaking.

Now it seems we learn the reason why: genetics.

The Washington Post recently ran the results of a couple of studies examining the potential conflict between parents and their offspring about their child’s choice of spouse.

Young Americans told the survey that they are attracted by physical and intellectual qualities in a potential mate but said their parents would object to a partner who was of different ethnicity, poor or lacked a ‘good’ family background. Dutch and Kurdish students gave similar answers putting attractiveness first, whereas their parents uniformly paid more attention to their potential spouses’ social background or group affiliation such as race, religion or social class.

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Faith can be of real help to those inclined to call upon it.

On Saturday night, millions of Jewish people around the world will sit down to a festive dinner called the “Seder”, to celebrate the beginning of the eight days of Passover.

It is an opportunity for the whole family to gather round the dinner table and retell the biblical story of how Moses led the Children of Israel out of Egypt, crossing the Red Sea and wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, before arriving in Israel, the Promised Land. They escaped slavery and avoided the 10 plagues, which “passed over” their homes.

It is a time for the children to take part by asking four questions of the family. Traditionally, these are sung in Hebrew by the youngest child present, who starts off by asking, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” Those gathered round give answers, enjoy their dinner and give thanks for their survival. It is a festival which passes on the story of Jewish survival against all the odds. Moreover - and importantly - it is a time for celebration of the family and family life.

It is the issue of faith, no matter how that faith is defined, that repeatedly comes back to me in my everyday work. This, despite the fact that faith is often viewed as being “off the wall”, “irrelevant” or the provenance of extremists.

In a world that seems to worship the “have it all” mentality, no matter what the cost, so many of us seem to have forgotten that faith can be a force for good. Faith can give us a set of moral standards against which we can judge ourselves and make decisions. According to a recent study, we are all much wealthier than we were 20 years ago; but how many of us stop to give thanks for what we have? What we have is precious, but is easily lost - and all too easily thrown away. Continue reading »

A trust is an investment - so is sound advice.

Trusts are, without a doubt, bêtes noires for many family lawyers . A client attending a first meeting will expect clear answers, not waffle, particularly if he or she is the beneficiary of a trust.

Here at Stowe Family Law, we were recently visited by the barrister Simon Sugar. One of the specialist family law set at One Garden Court, London, he is the co-author of Unlocking Matrimonial Assets on Divorce, which I thoroughly recommend. We invited him to come here to speak about the content of his book, and to ensure that our lawyers’ specialist knowledge of various forms of trusts and offshore assets was sufficiently refreshed and updated.

Simon Sugar’s visit was arranged as part of Stowe Family Law’s in-house programme for Continuing Professional Development (CPD). This is prepared by one of our partners, Rachel Roberts, and is greatly valued by us all.

Every year we select a thorny subject and immerse ourselves within it. Last year, we chose cohabitation and the law. Professor Rebecca Bailey Harris, of 1 Hare Court, came to our Harrogate offices and gave a talk that was so clear and so straightforward, it’s a pity she didn’t publish it for the entire profession. It was brilliant.

This year, we have chosen trusts. Continue reading »

Technology has moved on - but snooping has reached epidemic proportions.

The results of a study, carried out by Oxford University, are printed in today’s Daily Telegraph. Its authors claim that nearly a quarter of all married couples admit to snooping on one another’s emails and text messages.

Reading the article made me smile. How many times have my clients told me about a spouse,with a mobile phone clamped to his or her hand, behaving oddly? The answer is far too many to remember! So far as marital breakdown is concerned, such activities have become epidemic.

One client of mine became suspicious after her husband began sleeping with his mobile phone under his pillow. One night, when she could stand it no longer, she manoeuvered it from beneath his sleeping head, crept downstairs, read the text messages from his lover - and woke him demanding a divorce.

Other clients have told me how their spouses’ phones are now protected by permanent passwords. However, women are nothing if not inventive. Some can surreptitiously bypass the locking devices on mobiles, because they know that their spouses will use trusted passwords that are difficult to forget. For some reason, men often display a casual attitude to the deletion of text messages. In these cases, the clients have correctly guessed the passwords and accessed the phones.

One client bugged her husband’s car, correctly guessing that he would only speak to his lover once he had left the house. This proved to be the case. He also dialled his best friend - and the two of them bragged about their “bits on the side”. This little episode is likely to cost my client’s husband in the region of £10 million.

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How many parents really understand what their children want and what they need?

Perhaps it was my reaction to the McCartney divorce that prompted me to take some time out for a week’s vacation with my son. At the request of a journalist, I had been considering what Beatrice McCartney’s feelings may be if, when she reaches an age to understand, a kind “friend” shows her a copy of Mr. Justice Bennett’s gruesome judgment of her mother. At the very least, it could cause her a lot of pain. And how will her psychological development be affected by such turbulence within her family?

People talk a lot about the impact of divorce on children. Even so, when I listen to some of them, I have the feeling it is only lip service. How many parents really listen to their children, to try and understand what they want and what they need?

 I am not divorced myself, but I do have a child. On an impulse, I decided to whisk my son away to the heat of the desert in Eilat, Israel for a week. I hoped to find out how he was faring in his student world. He has certainly been working very hard. As it turned out, he wasn’t the only one with plenty on his mind. Continue reading »