Divorced man’s marriage advice is a hit
“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert”, the post begins. “But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different [sic].”
What follows is a 1600-word list of of relationship advice, called MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD. And on Facebook, it has gone viral: at the time of writing, the post has had more than 18,000 likes, 123,000 shares and hundreds of comments from around the world.
The author is Gerald Rogers, an American motivational coach. The post features a large photo of the author and his former wife on their wedding day (above).
“After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had”, he writes, before going on to list his 20 top items of advice.
They include the following:
“FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
“IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
“NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.”
Commentators have pointed out that the advice is as applicable to wives as it is to husbands. The advice can be read in full here.
Gerald Rogers has described the response to his hard-won wisdom as “super-humbling”.
“I feel incredibly grateful for all those who have listened and chosen to work a little harder on their relationships,” he said. “I just hope all of us can be a little wiser as we learn how to love a little better.”
Image credit: Facebook.
Share this post
Get free family law updates
Marilyn Stowe’s new book: expert advice on all aspects of divorce, just 99p!
Divorce & Splitting Up by Marilyn Stowe is the essential how-to book for anyone who is getting divorced or splitting up from a partner. Read more >>
"A must buy that really opens your eyes to what is involved if you are considering or going through a divorce." - Amanda Brown
"This will answer your questions in a way that non-lawyers can understand." - Miss P.
"Don't get divorced without it. I read this book despite being divorced for more than 10 years. I wish I'd had this book to hand at the time. Great examples, simple to read and understand." - Jamie
"This really has helped me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will come out of it a stronger person." - J
Marilyn Stowe on SKY News & ITV This Morning
- Arlene on Protecting the family Home: orders for sale, bankruptcy and divorce by guest blogger Ellie Webster
- Luke on My review of the year (part two) by John Bolch
- Deborah on Delaying the Decree Absolute: another look at Miller Smith v Miller Smith
- Andrew on The Child Maintenance Service: a new era for child support
- a free man whos moved to channel islands on The non-resident nightmare: how offshore income is taken into account for child support
Subscribe & Follow
In the Media
Marilyn Stowe is the senior partner in Stowe Family Law, which has offices in Yorkshire, Cheshire and London. With more than 30 years’ experience handling divorce cases and family law proceedings she is regarded as one of the most formidable and sought after divorce lawyers in the UK. In 2012, Marilyn became one of the first solicitors to qualify as a family law arbitrator.
All persons mentioned in the scenarios are fictitious: details have been deliberately changed in order to protect identities and other confidential circumstances of my clients. All advice and information on this blog including posts written by guest authors, is given only as a general guide to the operation of the law on the date of publication. Readers must place no reliance whatsoever on the content of this blog and must always obtain their own legal advice. Marilyn Stowe, Stowe Family Law LLP and guest authors accept no liability whatsoever arising as a result of reliance upon its content.
Contact Stowe Family Law
These downloads accompany Marilyn Stowe's latest book: Divorce & Splitting Up: Advice From a Top Divorce Lawyer. After opening, right click to save to your computer.
For more free downloads, visit the Downloads section.