Judge says celebrity marriages are bad role model
I very much enjoyed reading this weekend about the marriage of two of my favourite TV celebrities David Mitchell to Victoria Coren. I loved the photos and thought her dress was gorgeous. Equally well-known brother Giles Coren, who writes amusingly in The Times of his own marriage and newly arrived child with another on the way, gave her away. David Mitchell tweeted his followers (of which I am one) about how blissfully happy he is. So I had a wry smile, when in the same newspaper yesterday I read a thunderous warning about the perils of emulating celebrity marriage, from a High Court judge.
Are celebrity marriages more prone to fail than the relationships of us more ordinary folk? Mr Justice Coleridge appears to believe so, and said that young people should not try to emulate the marriages of the rich and famous because they are “even less able to sustain long-term healthy relationships than the rest of us”.
Earlier this year Sir Paul Coleridge set up the Marriage Foundation, a group dedicated to the promotion of long term relationships within marriage. It has just published a report claiming that celebrity marriages are twice as likely to end in divorce as the rest of us – the divorce rate over a ten year period is 40 per cent compared to only 20 per cent for non-celebrities. The report was based on the outcomes of 572 high profile celebrity weddings which have taken place since 2000. One in ten of the marriages were over within two years.
The judge, who was a family law barrister for 30 years before becoming a high court judge 12 years ago, said in his introduction to the report:
“The worrying feature of these statistics is the picture they paint to those who regard the celebrity lifestyle as something to be admired and copied for its own sake. These are, after all, the role models upon which many, especially young people, fashion their lives. Aspiration for happiness built on celebrity lifestyle is, it seems, dangerously flawed.”
For heaven’s sake! This is such a negative perspective! Marriage is an exciting commitment for all of us and it can work. The Beckhams, one of the most celebrated couples on the planet seem to be doing all right along with plenty of other celebrity couples who are still married despite living lives in a virtual goldfish bowl with all manner of temptation around them. Only today for instance, David Walliams and his wife Lara Stone announced they are happily expecting a child.
By all means, as I have done on many occasions in the past, criticise high profile couples who live together without ever actually tying the knot. Surely it is they who are perpetuating the myth about common law marriage and misleading people into thinking cohabitation is a glamorous, settled and viable alternative to traditional marriage.
The reality in law, which does not come across in glossy magazines, is that living together creates absolutely no legal relationship or rights under English and Welsh law. And with it often comes disaster if the relationship breaks down and the poorer party (usually the woman) has no job, no home, no pension or income of her own and faces penury.
But as to marriage, why shouldn’t the weddings of the rich and famous be shared with us to enjoy? Doesn’t every bride dream that one day, she too will have her own dream day? And don’t magazines like Hello! or OK! sell millions of copies round the world precisely because they know we all like to share close up in the happiness of famous (often royal) couples getting married ? I just cant see what’s wrong with it.
Notwithstanding the fact that most couples are now choosing to live together than ever before, and the numbers of couples marrying is dropping like a stone, Mr Justice Coleridge is still unhappy that visions of celebrities leading an “idealised life” create “…a false expectation within the participants that in some way their relationships will be better, easier and, above all, more exciting than the average.”
We aren’t that daft surely? The statistics suggest anything but.
Aren’t celebrities who choose to share their weddings across the magazine pages rather sending a message to their audiences and readers that marriage is still something special, something to be aspired to? That even though it’s so much easier not to commit, that love deserves to celebrated by marrying?
And isn’t celebrating marriage precisely what the Marriage Foundation was set up to do?
Meanwhile of course, Royal Weddings are the most hyped of all. The billions who tuned in to watch the wedding of William and Kate are testimony to that. How we loved the glamour of such a spectacular wedding, the beautiful dress, the stunning church and glamorous guests. And is there anyone who doesn’t remember the newly weds waving gaily to the crowds of cheering well wishers who thronged the Mall as they began their married life together in the vintage Aston Martin? Romantic? Certainly. Beyond our own reach? Absolutely . Will it last? Who knows?
Does anyone, celebrity or not, ever know whether their marriage will last when they get married?
My husband and I watched Charles and Diana get married in 1981. We sat together on our settee, watching it on television, thoroughly enjoying the spectacle. At that time, that wedding too was the most hyped on the planet and it delivered in magnificent style. Emulating the royal couple later that afternoon, we went to a local hotel and booked our own wedding!
The glamour of that royal wedding day had without doubt encouraged us to get married. It had sent the most positive messages to us; and although tragedy engulfed the marriage of the Prince and Princess of Wales, I am pleased to say, 30 odd years later, we are still married.
Image by Jens Rost under a Creative Commons licence
Share this post
Get free family law updates
Marilyn Stowe’s new book: expert advice on all aspects of divorce, just 99p!
Divorce & Splitting Up by Marilyn Stowe is the essential how-to book for anyone who is getting divorced or splitting up from a partner. Read more >>
"A must buy that really opens your eyes to what is involved if you are considering or going through a divorce." - Amanda Brown
"This will answer your questions in a way that non-lawyers can understand." - Miss P.
"Don't get divorced without it. I read this book despite being divorced for more than 10 years. I wish I'd had this book to hand at the time. Great examples, simple to read and understand." - Jamie
"This really has helped me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will come out of it a stronger person." - J
Marilyn Stowe on SKY News & ITV This Morning
- Paul on Why are people violent towards their partners? by John Bolch
- Paul on Almost two children a day abducted by parents
- Paul on My review of the year (part four) by John Bolch
- JamesB on Why are people violent towards their partners? by John Bolch
- JamesB on Proportion of married women without children is increasing
Subscribe & Follow
In the Media
Marilyn Stowe is the senior partner in Stowe Family Law, which has offices in Yorkshire, Cheshire and London. With more than 30 years’ experience handling divorce cases and family law proceedings she is regarded as one of the most formidable and sought after divorce lawyers in the UK. In 2012, Marilyn became one of the first solicitors to qualify as a family law arbitrator.
All persons mentioned in the scenarios are fictitious: details have been deliberately changed in order to protect identities and other confidential circumstances of my clients. All advice and information on this blog including posts written by guest authors, is given only as a general guide to the operation of the law on the date of publication. Readers must place no reliance whatsoever on the content of this blog and must always obtain their own legal advice. Marilyn Stowe, Stowe Family Law LLP and guest authors accept no liability whatsoever arising as a result of reliance upon its content.
Contact Stowe Family Law
These downloads accompany Marilyn Stowe's latest book: Divorce & Splitting Up: Advice From a Top Divorce Lawyer. After opening, right click to save to your computer.
For more free downloads, visit the Downloads section.