Holding the purse strings
Just another in an ever-lengthening line of celebrity divorces? Of course. But one section of the Belfast Telegraph report makes it stand out from the more routine Hollywood bulletins. Mr Sestito, who is eight years younger than the actress, initially asked for $17,151 a month as part of the settlement.
This was later dropped according to the story, but the fact that the request was made at all shows where the financial power lay in the relationship.
Mr Sestito is certainly not alone. We recently took a look at the rancorous divorce of British soul singer Seal from German model Heidi Klum. Reports suggested that Seal also demanded a large payout from his far wealthier wife, although like Sestito, he later backed down.
These demands may not have been followed through but they are a reminder of an often forgotten aspect of financial divorce law: in both the US and the UK, it is gender-neutral. So embedded is the image of the woman as the recipient of financial support from her former husband that many people believe men have no rights at all if their marriage to a wealthier partner comes to an end. That is not the case. What matters from a legal point of view is the comparative wealth of the two spouses, not their gender.
One man who did receive a significant from his former wife was British film director Guy Ritchie. When the couple went their separate ways in 2008, Ritchie, according to Madonna’s US spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg, received a settlement of around £50 million from the legendary pop singer, a sum which includes the value of Aschcombe House, a Georgian estate in Wiltshire. This is thought to be the largest divorce settlement ever paid to a man and is twice the amount received by Heather Mills on her divorce from the similarly wealthy Sir Paul McCartney.
Other celebrities reported to have made large payouts to former husbands include singer Britney Spears.
But this is not a phenomenon confined to the super-rich and famous. Earlier this year I was interviewed for a feature in The Times about the rise of the ‘female breadwinner’ – the increasing number of woman who earn more than their husbands, and who are then amazed to find their harder-up husbands demanding 50 per cent of their assets. In the article I expressed amazement at their amazement. Some, it seems, may genuinely have thought that men have no rights in this situation.
US lawyers report a similar situation across the Atlantic, where the stigma associated with men asking for alimony seems to be disappearing.
What struck me about so many of the responses to the Times article is something I saw again in the ABC News article: how shocked and resentful so many women seem to feel when their ex-husbands ask for money. But why? If you are wealthy or successful woman and you marry a man with fewer resources, you will have precisely the same financial responsibilities as men have had to bear for many years. That is the price of equality.
When a marriage crumbles and divorce looms, the law is concerned with one thing, and one thing only: fairness. The financially dependent partner in a marriage may not be bringing home a huge pay cheque but will almost certainly have made other important contributions to the household, even economic sacrifices such as giving up work to look after children, and it is entirely right and proper that this should be recognised in the divorce proceedings. Whether they are a man or a woman.
Photo by Sam Javanrouh under a Creative Commons licence
Share this post
Get free family law updates
Marilyn Stowe’s new book: expert advice on all aspects of divorce, for just 99p!
Divorce & Splitting Up by Marilyn Stowe is the essential how-to book for anyone who is getting divorced or splitting up from a partner. Read more >>
"A must buy that really opens your eyes to what is involved if you are considering or going through a divorce." - Amanda Brown
"This will answer your questions in a way that non-lawyers can understand." - Miss P.
"This really has helped me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will come out of it a stronger person." - J
Marilyn Stowe on ITV Daybreak & ITV This Morning
Marilyn’s Thought For The Day
Wisdom is found only in truth.
- Observer on Campaign group spotlights the ‘myth’ of stable relationships outside marriage
- Observer on Child Support Agency routinely breaching the human rights of fathers
- Observer on Remarriage after divorce weakens children’s relationship with their fathers
- Joan on Scientologist granted permission to appeal to the Supreme Court in wedding venue clash
- Tad - (ScientologyParent) on Scientologist granted permission to appeal to the Supreme Court in wedding venue clash
Subscribe & Follow
Marilyn Stowe is the senior partner in Stowe Family Law, which has offices in Yorkshire, Cheshire and London. With more than 30 years’ experience handling divorce cases and family law proceedings she is regarded as one of the most formidable and sought after divorce lawyers in the UK. In 2012, Marilyn became one of the first solicitors to qualify as a family law arbitrator.
All persons mentioned in the scenarios are fictitious: details have been deliberately changed in order to protect identities and other confidential circumstances of my clients. All advice and information on this blog including posts written by guest authors, is given only as a general guide to the operation of the law on the date of publication. Readers must place no reliance whatsoever on the content of this blog and must always obtain their own legal advice. Marilyn Stowe, Stowe Family Law LLP and guest authors accept no liability whatsoever arising as a result of reliance upon its content.
Contact Stowe Family Law
These downloads accompany Marilyn Stowe's latest book: Divorce & Splitting Up: Advice From a Top Divorce Lawyer. After opening, right click to save to your computer.
For more free downloads, visit the Downloads section.