Marilyn Stowe Blog

Moving on after divorce – in 100 different ways! By guest blogger Liz Bell.

Moving on after divorce is more easily said than done, and as a family lawyer I see many clients at different stages of this process. Getting divorced is a traumatic and stressful period for both parties, no matter who is at fault or why the marriage broke down. However, there is nothing more satisfying (other than getting  a good deal!) than seeing a client move on from thinking their world is at an end, to a point where they can at least see light at the end of the tunnel.

So I have enjoyed reading a post by an American blogger who is marking one year since her own divorce was finalised. D-Day and 100 Divorce Perks is an essential read for anyone going through a divorce who is struggling to look to the future.

This writer is honest about the “perks”, which include realising the mistakes that she made during the marriage and why life without her husband has also been positive, despite the obvious loss of the person with whom she thought she would spend the rest of her life. She has re-evaluated her life and is looking to the future. She admits herself that she could easily have written “100 downsides to this whole scene”, but is instead is choosing not be a victim.

If you are recently divorced – or even if you are simply considering divorce – I recommend her blog, which is called Now Is Good. The writer has a really refreshing take on her own life experiences. Her marriage broke down after her husband had an affair, but she has put a lot of energy into moving onwards and upwards.

Many items on her list are light-hearted:

9.  LONG bubble baths, guilt-free.

50.  Always controlling the remote.

69.  Never having someone else drink the last Diet Coke.

While reading this post, however, you also recognise the pain of the divorce. This is not a whimsical list, but rather a long hard look at the truth about divorce, covering both its highs and lows.

Some of the list entries are about finding happiness in unexpected ways:

12.  Rediscovering the importance of my girlfriends and how much I truly enjoy their company.

32. Having time to miss my kids so that I am always overjoyed to see them.

82.  Realizing that all I really need in order to be content in life is for my children to be happy and healthy.

However these are my favourites:

19.  Realizing the truth of “Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional.”

66. Realizing that being single isn’t something to fear.

100. ME, living life my way, on my terms, as fully as I possibly can, taking nothing for granted.

For most people the prospect of being alone after years spent as part of a couple is a daunting prospect.  Frequently clients express the view that without their partner they don’t really know who they are.  Rediscovering yourself is often more important than the rest of the divorce procedure.  For anyone going through a divorce, I think that writing a list like this can be a truly cathartic exercise.

The list in full: D-Day and 100 Divorce Perks.

Liz Bell qualified as a solicitor in 2009 and is a valued member of the Stowe Family Law team.  She has already had wide experience in cases involving trust elements, company interests and foreign assets. Popular with clients and counsel, Liz brings a personal and friendly approach to her work, along with a keen attention to detail.