Marilyn Stowe Blog

Little Mr Mike on March 30, 2010 at 9:30 am

In your blog of 17 February you stated that spousal maintenance is regarded in other jurisdictions as short term and rehabilitative. You state – in my opinion rightly – that this can cause serious hardship.

In England and Wales the likelihood that that a maintenance order will be expressed to be payable for joint lives, unless the marriage is short or the parties are more or less economically equal.

To be sure, it does not necessarily follow that, because a maintenance order is expressed to be for life, that the payer will actually have to pay for life.

But is there no room for some half way house between these two extremes – one the one hand, maintenance for a very short duration, and on the
other, maintenance for a period which might be twice or three times as long as the marriage ?

In my case I have been paying maintenance to an ex wife for 27 years for a marriage lasting 13 and I can tell you the last three were sheer hell. I cannot and do not blame my ex for this, because the conduct was the result of mental illness.

To protect the anonymity of my ex I have used my wikivorce username. Real name can be supplied if required.

Little Mr Mike

John on July 16, 2010 at 9:51 am

It may cause hardship to the ex-wife, but that is what social security is for. There is a definite expectation that after marriage both parties should work. Maintenance is such the State abrogating its duty to provide social security.

There is obvious inequity in the cohabitation vs marriage scenario. I have two friends, both with children. The one has been cohabiting for 20 years no marriage. Jointly owned house. The other cobhabiting for 20 years, married after 9 years. In the forme

Enough Already on January 25, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Hi,

I found this post via the usual questions into Google route and am looking for some help and advice.

I am a co-habiting partner of a divorced man who helped him through his acrimonious +6 yr divorce.

We are trying to come to terms with the court order from 2 years ago ordering him to pay global maintenance of around +50% of his net salary for kids of 13, 17 and 20 (at uni) and the ex wife.

The problem is that his ex wife like many others has used her circumstances to her advantage by working minimal hours in a very low paid job (and makes excuses not to work full time). She declined a timeline in the proceedings by which to re-train which was her expressed wish and so remains in an unskilled, low paid position with no real prospects – she is mid 40′s.

She has a partner of 7.5 yrs (non co-habiting) who is a very wealthy tax exile (he paid for her costly fees). She stated in court that she does not have any plans to marry or co-habit. Neither does she feel ‘sure enough’ about her partner after all that time to give up maintenance for an additional 2 years even if she DOES co-habit with him – so 2 yrs additional maintenance was awarded in the Court Order. Unfairly we feel.

Anyhow, the whole situation relies upon my partner and myself scrimping and saving to break even while she is generously rewarded each month with maintenance, wages, tax credits, child benefit etc. which nets her over £30K per annum.

I am aware there is an ‘earnings gap’ here but if someone makes no EFFORT to improve their circumstances why should they be rewarded with a tax free (annually rising) income for life whilst their RPI increase per annum outstrips any benefit my partner gets in an annual raise? There is no incentive for her to change things. Meanwhile we have this hanging over our heads for years like a millstone.

I am currently unemployed (not through choice – it is so hard to find any work at the mo) and the prospect of varying down the order is not palatable as it would take ages, cost a fortune, require full disclosure and she would lie to make herself look worse off and probably try and land us with her costs too. She is also very vengeful and dishonest – hence the protracted divorce and unfair maintenance allowance.

How can we get out of this stranglehold by a legally-aided, lazy, unambitious, deceitful person who wants to effectively make us suffer financially for a very long time? Even mothers on benefit are expected to get a full time job once their youngest child reaches a certain age. She sees no reason why she should do more as she expects us to both work full time to help support her. She doesn’t even support the eldest child at uni with the global maintenance paid partially for that purpose.

There are many people in our position and it is grossly unfair that the man is penalised for being both honest and responsible whilst the ex gets away with doing nothing to improve things. There is no leverage and no incentive and we are the hardworking lone voices in the wilderness. What can be done? We will be even worse off when the RPI increase hits later this year.

Please help.

JamesB on February 7, 2011 at 5:40 pm

I agree with John.

Enough Already on March 24, 2011 at 12:45 pm

hi Mariyn,

Further to my above post on 25th Jan could you please provide some advice?

I am still unemployed and it is hard to keep going with the constant rejection alongside the financial stress exacerbated by my partner’s ongoing financial obligations to his ex wife.

At present I only receice £65 per week JSA, as of May 1st I will receive nothing at all. My partner will then have to support me, our entire household outgoings (including my personal outgoings), his own obligations and a large global maintenance payment to his ex wife.

We are at our wits end.

If our only route is to vary the order then how much is it likely to cost, how can we guarantee some fairness this time around (when last time we were not really listened to or considered) and how can we stop her and her partner lying again in the proceedings to back each other up. They can afford top legal represenation funded by her boyfriend – we cannot so it is an unfair fight from the off. Can we save money by taking the case to a magistrates court or having some form of mediation to change the court order?

When looking at affordability of monthly maintenance will the courts look at monthly income or will they expect any savings to be used by us before varying down any monthly payments to her?

The thought of paying a lot of money we don’t have in order to achieve little or nothing is not appealing – neither is defaulting on court orderered payments which effectively would make my partner a criminal.

If she was a reasonable person we would write to her but all she will say is that we signed up to the original order (with a gun to our heads and the threat of paying her very large court costs).

There must be something we can do?

Please advise.

Thanks.

Marilyn Stowe on March 24, 2011 at 4:13 pm

In reply to Enough Already:-
The problem I have is insufficient information to properly advise you, so what follows is simply a guide. You need to take your own legal advice because it seems to me, on the face of it your partner may have a good arguable case for a downwards variation or even an extinguishment of his liability to his former spouse.
The new Family Procedure Rules come into force on 6th April. There will be a pre action protocol in force and the process is intended to be more streamlined, managed much more effectively and proportionately by the court with the overall aim of ‘justly dealing with the case having regard to the welfare issues involved’.
Your partner’s solicitor will ideally write the first letter, setting out your partner’s position and what he is seeking, and it is an important letter to be written with care, under the new Rules because there could be cost implications in your partner’s favour if you write correctly and set the appropriate tone.
Mediation and other forms of ADR including collaborative law, is an important part of the new process, to keep costs down and I believe the court will expect mediation to be considered at all stages in the process, including at the start.
So, I think its fair to say that this time round, it will be better than the last especially since the court must also ensure the parties are on an equal footing.
You can certainly look into the magistrates dealing with the application – I believe the order would need to be registered in the appropriate magistrates court before a variation is made, but I suspect his former wife would object. Its still worth looking into with your local magistrate’s court.
You need evidence of their cohabitation if you can get it. However, as this was raised albeit rejected last time, I would imagine a Judge hearing they still have an ongoing relationship is more likely to accept it now.
Costs might also be important. The court does have power to make costs orders where litigants act unreasonably, and you mustnt overlook this.
So on balance, your partner seem to have little choice but to proceed and I dont think you should be downbeat.
Go and take some detailed legal advice.
Regards
Marilyn

Enough Already on March 25, 2011 at 11:02 am

Thank you very much Marilyn for your timely reply.

I appreciate you cannot give detailed advice as each case is so complicated and individual. There was a fair amount of detail inmy 25th Jan post above though.

I think my partner is so scarred and battle weary from the last round (and it was very costly) that he is loathe to take further action through the court – especially as we were so let down by the judge last time. Also his ex wife is not co-habiting with this man but has had a relationship with him for nearly 8 years now. It is a long distance relationship so the judge didn’t consider it a ‘proper’ relationship.

However, we will think about your advice in light of the new rules. Is there a good online resource to investigate the new rules? Are you saying that as part of varying an existing order under the new rules that it would also involve mediation? Does it have to be heard in court with barristers or can it be done via mediation and rubber stamped by the court?

I doubt there would be an extinguishment of any aspect of maintenance to his ex wife as the children are 13, 17 & 20. the two youngest still live at home. However, the 17 yr old may be living away at uni next in the academic year (Sept 11).

Thanks again.

Marilyn Stowe on March 25, 2011 at 11:45 am

I will write a post about it. IThe Rules were only published a few months ago and since then practice directions and forms have been coming out until very recently. Its all supposed to be up and running by 6thApril but I am expecting quite a few teething problems as so many people, including all the court staff across the country have to adjust.
In our firm we have been having training, and everyone has been issued with hundreds of pages of documents which we are trying to digest. We are having another meeting to go through all the new forms next week.
Overall the way Judges’ manage cases will change for the better, and this is good as far more people are expected to be acting on their own without lawyers.
One of the points I highlighted in my reply to you above is the courts have a duty to ensure parties are on an even footing.
As I mentioned in my reply if you seriously wish to proceed given the anticipated drop in your income, and wish to consider in greater detail any sums that the boyfriend might be considered liable to pay, and a consideration of an increase in the former wife’s earned income, then take legal advice. I know this is one of the most thorny topics right now and there are strong arguments on both sides.
At the moment your partner has a liability and if he decides not to proceed, then the only option, is grit your teeth and bear it. He has a former wife and children, and he has to pay his maintenance. So accept it and if you can put it out of your mind. If you let it eat you both up, it could destroy your own relationship and if you have a good relationship worth fighting for be strong and dont let it happen.
Best Wishes,
Marilyn.

Enough Already on March 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Thanks Marilyn,

Sounds like it may take a while for the system to accommodate these new rule changes. I suppose the question to ask of any legal practice is whether they have fully incorporated these or had training.

With regard to our case, her income has not increased and her boyfriend does not live with her – he may well make payments to her but this is hard to prove as her legal reps won’t provide straight answers and he and she lie to cover each other (even drafting so called loan agreements). This was a thorn in the side of our original case. Our circmstances have subsequently changed considerably as we are relying on only one income into our house. My partner is supporting everyone until I find work again which is proving extremely difficult. As I said, come May my income will be £0 which is a very scary prospect – I have always contributed my share into our household until now.

I did ask previously and this is a key point in whether we would seek to vary; When looking at affordability of monthly maintenance will the courts look at monthly income or will they expect any savings to be used by us before varying down any monthly payments to her?

Also, as our situation is deemed temporary, would it be considered worth varying an order for? What would happen if I found a job and had an income again?

Sorry to ask so many questions but our situation is financially very difficult and before we spend any more money we would want to be fairly sure of a positive (non-temporary) outcome.

In your blog post about the new rules would you also be able to provide insight to those hoping to self represent throughout (or indeed, if that is possible)?

Many thanks once again. Really appreciate your help.

Lukey21 on March 25, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Enough Already,
I have every sympathy for you, your partner is being screwed indefinitely by the English courts – his mistake was getting married – many men have to pay spousal support to their ex-wives until they die.

Enough Already on March 29, 2011 at 11:01 am

Hi Marilyn

Thanks for writing about the New Rules in your blog.

I did ask previously and this is a key point in whether we would seek to vary; When looking at affordability of monthly maintenance will the courts look at monthly income or will they expect any savings to be used by us before varying down any monthly payments to her?

Also, as our situation is deemed temporary, would it be considered worth varying an order for? What would happen if I found a job and had an income again?

Sorry to ask more questions but our situation is financially very difficult and before we spend any more money we would want to be fairly sure of a positive (non-temporary) outcome.

Many thanks once again. Really appreciate your help.

Marilyn Stowe on March 29, 2011 at 11:23 am

Enough Already! As Ive made clear, I cant give specific advise, and whilst generally it is unusual for a court to require savings to be exhausted and a temporary situation to have a permanent effect on the payment of maintenance, it is necessary in giving legal advice to look closely at the specific facts of the case.The court has a wide discretion as you know and each case is different.
I repeat, your partner needs to take his own legal advice.

spousal on June 20, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Hi,

I’m writing for advice for a friend. He pays £750 child maintenance for his three children age (9, 8 & 4). He is also paying £750 Spousal. The spousal agreement is halved to £350 when the youngest turns 5. He had assumed this was because all three children would be at school and she could fine work. However, the youngest is starting full time school in September. His current take home earnings a month are £3,500. When he got divorced he gave gave his ex wife the matrimonial home which is worth £300,000. She has a mortgage of £80,000 left on the home and it was put into her name. He didn’t take a charge on the house and handed over a lump sum of £220,000 for her to put into the mortgage which at the time was very high on the property.

He is paying £120 over and above CSA calculations on the child maintenance side of the agreement. He now wants to re-assess the maintenance payments and wants the spousal maintenance to be cut to £350.00 as of this September as his youngest is starting school. He knows she gets in the region of £500.00 a month family tax credit and is working three days a week.

He lives in his partners house which is owned by her. They took out a £100,000 mortgage to have a loft extension built to accommodate his three children every other weekend and extra long weekends in the holidays. He also has the children for 2 weeks in the summer. His partner owned the property outright before he moved in with her. They took out the mortgage in joint names. On the money left per month he would not have been able to afford to buy a new place for himself. They are both finding it hard to keep up payments of the mortgage, running the car to and fro for collection of the children. His partner has two children who also live in their home. She has not been earning this year but will be earning again in September. Will her earnings be taken into consideration or would the courts look at my friends outgoings and the time he spends with his children when considering an adjustment in the spousal agreement. It seems vey unfair that he is paying out so much when she will be able to work full time in September. The only has this affected his finances, it’s affected his partners as she obviously can no longer claim family tax credit and his full earnings are taken into consideration in terms of her own children. This year she can not claim EMI for her daughter as they don’t take into consideration that half of his earnings actually do not go into their home but goes on maintenance payments. The system seems very unfair on both my friend and his new partner. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I see him falling down with the pressure of working long hours to make the wage he does to support his ex wife’s lifestyle, and the amount of time he has the children and is commuting long distances to see them.

Marilyn Stowe on June 20, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Thanks for contacting me. Your friend needs to take legal advice from a lawyer who has all the facts and documents to hand and who can then give your friend informed advice. It’s not wise for me to advise third hand on the basis of some but not all the required info.
Marilyn.

Al on December 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Hi there, reading through the comments of the many that have been sentenced (like me) with a lifetime maintenance order. It is clear that English law is so unreasonable to the point where it removes all ambition from those who have contributed to the countries growth and employment. I am self employed, I employ 12 people. My maintenance order is £ 60K cleared funds to a woman who cohabits, has received £ 700K in assets and the privilege of dictating when and how long I can see the children. My children are still young, 4, 6, 11 and 12. I understand that it is a full time job to bring up children and do not wish to relinquish my responsibilities. But the value of the maintenance order is so high, that I face certain ruin and those who I employ face the same dire prospects because of this unreasonable order. The lawyers agreed this value based on earning three years ago when the economy was blooming. Having looked at my company accounts this year, it has only made a profit of £ 65K (before tax), yet I have to pay this enormous sum. This sentence is eroding my liquid cash and soon tangible assets. The ex wife has received all the copper bottomed assets and I am left with all the liability and responsibility. I am desperately looking for help. My lawyer seems to think that I have to wait another six months, but I fear that my business will become bankrupt as this is were I need to draw this cash from, not mentioning the dividend tax that I will be lumbered with soon. Please help someone????

Marilyn Stowe on December 16, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Al:- here are a few thoughts.
1. How old is this order?
2. How is it split between your former wife and the children?
3. What would you say is a fair assessment of your own net income, not just what you choose to draw?
4. Do you live with anyone else and does that person earn an income and if so how much?
5. Does your former wife have any other source of income and if so how much is it net of tax?
6. What do you think are your former wife’s and the children’s reasonable income needs and what are yours?
7. Why did you transfer to your wife the “copper bottomed assets?” what were you left with and how much are they worth?
Let me know the above and I will let you have my opinion.
Regards
Marilyn

Gary Fisher on January 2, 2012 at 1:20 pm

My Ex Wife is due to re-marry in Feb 2012 and they have been living together aproximately 8 months am i still liable for child maintanence for my two children aged 13 and 17

Marilyn Stowe on January 2, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Gary
Spousal maintenance only ceases on remarriage. Child support continues until each child leaves school or potentially until they have finished tertiary education.

Emma Capes on January 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Hi
I’ve recently started co-habiting with my boyfriend who pays spousal and child maintenance to his ex and 3 children. He is currently in negotiations with his ex through their lawyers over reducing his maintenance based upon new legal advice he has been overpaying given his earnings have decreased since the original court order. She has approximately £700K in capital in the family home. She has no declared income albeit we have moutning proof that she is working as a freelance therapist. He is a high income earner but has no capital and approximately £75,000 debt due to maintaining the existing levels of maintenance and increased school fees. The current levels of maintenance and school fees leaves with him 30% of his net salary.
I was interested in the flip side of the discussions on this blog, can the fact that he is co-habiting with me go against him and be used by his ex to maintain her current payments? I am mid-earning solvent professional.
Any advice appreciated.

Carol on February 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

I have a hearing on the 1st March to remove my husband from the home injunction. I already have a non-molestation order against him. He moved out yesterday, but also wants to come back. I want him back. I also apply for a payment order ( of half the bills).
Should I go to court on the 1st and withdraw the Home right injunction and pursue the payment order?

Sharon on March 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Can you help I have a court order for my three children for my ex to pay main entrance until they leave full time education. My eldest daughter is now working and my 2nd daughter has decided to go and live with her father, my son is still with me but my ex is now no longer paying maintenance for my son as he has my daughter living with him. Is this right? I can’t afford a lawyer and he has mad life very difficult.

Marilyn Stowe on March 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Sharon
No I dont think it is right. You should tell him to pay the arrears and keep paying as per the order or you will go to court to enforce the court order. And then do it. Your local court office will help you fill in the forms to send a bailiff round to his house. You could also apply for an attachment of earnings order so the money is deducted straight off his salary.
Best wishes
Marilyn

Anna on August 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Hi Marilyn

I am hoping that you might be able to give me your opinion on what you would think a fair level of maintenance for my former husband to pay me when he retires. Also, should I try to get an agreement tied to a particular date. If so when? I am really finding it hard to work out what would be fair to both of us.

My ex contacted me recently with regard to what will happen to my maintenance payments when he retires. Although he is somewhat vague as to exactly when that might happen. His interpretation of our Consent Order was that when he reached 60 he no longer needed to pay me anything and that that was what his solicitor told him at the time of our divorce. I think not. He then made a proposal. This being that when he reached 60 my payments would be reduced to about 1/6 of my full maintenance, but only if, and as long as he carried on full time in his current job beyond 60. After that either way I would get nothing.

We divorced in March 2008. Our Consent Order states that I am to receive maintenance from him until the death of either of us, or my remarrying. He has increased my maintenance in line with his salary increases. The maintenance is for me only. Our children although two were still at uni at the time were dealt with separately, so are not in the equation. My maintenance payment is currently £1170 per month. His salary is approx £70,000 pa (gross). I have two part time jobs, one self employed, and work usually 3 whole and 2 half days a week and earn approx £10,000 pa (gross).

I knew he was completely wrong in his interpretation of the Order and realised that he may simply be trying it on. However, because of our clear differences of interpretation, I made an appointment to see a solicitor to clarify exactly what our Consent Order means. It was as I suspected, totally unambiguous, i.e. it means exactly what it says.

The solicitor said that the only way he could get out of the Consent Order as it stands would be to go back to court or come to an agreement with me (giving me a leaflet on the various methods of achieving this).

I do not wish him to continue paying me maintenance until death etcetera, nor expect the same level of payment as I am currently receiving once he retires from his current post. However I would like some payment to continue until I am 65, as I do not want to buy an annuity before or much before then. My jobs are both physical and I may feel I need to reduce my hours a bit at some stage.

Our pensions were added together and split evenly – his private pension making up most of this. I am making contributions of £150 per month into a stakeholder pension only recently having increased this from £70. However he has a non- contributary pension and has 15% of his salary amount added p.a. from the age of fifty. Researching annuities has shown me that how much he is likely to receive as a pension at 60, is almost exactly the same as I would at 65. That being the case if he took the full allowable 33.3% in cash. (His cash sum could be around £130 – 140,000) My cash sum would be about 15% less than that whenever I retire.

I am older than my former husband my being born in December 1953. He was born in September 1955. So he will be 63 yrs 3 mths when I reach 65. My state pension age is 65 and 2+ months. I am one of the women who have been hit hardest by the government’s recent change to state pension age. Don’t get me on the unfairness of that one, particularly to women born in 1953 and especially for those born in Dec ‘53! We were hit hardest of all.

I do not want to buy an annuity with my pot until I am at least close to 65. As I said my husband is vague about when he wishes to retire. He has said he might try to find a local part time job when he retires from his current post.

He may well wish to buy an annuity for his own pension at 60. I think it probably wouldn’t be very much later.

Hopefully this is enough, but not too much information.

Many thanks in anticipation

Anna

Chris on August 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm

About my situation:

Unmarried, but have two kids with someone I was with for 8yrs. I stayed at home as a stay at home dad, cleaner, cook, etc etc, while my partner could enjoy and continue with her carear, then one day she decides to split up with me, but demands she wants the kids with her……. But I want them with me……

Anyway what is she entitled to claim from me, I currently have no income but inheritence of 200,000 which 100,000 of that went on a deposit on our family home, which she now lives in with the kids while I have moved out, we have a joint mortgage, I wanted the house and kids, but now she has the house and kids because I didnt want the kids to suffer and my ex clearly didnt wouldnt leave.

With all due respect to equality men and women being the same and equal, then whymon earth does everything go in her favour? I looked after the kids at home for years, paid 100,000 of inheritance into our “family” home and have now left it to her, yet she wants to screw me over when I havnt done a damn thing wrong, she cheated on me.

You post describes the situation of a woman, but many men are now house “wifes” are where are our damn rights and protection when the crazy woman decides she wants an affair and then wants ME out of our shared home!.

Can I make her sell the home and get my 100k back I want tge kids with me, I will house them, feed them, clean them, educate them, do everything right and not ask their mum for a penny! But hey no law will give me that right.

What a crazy soceity we we live in, equal rights my arse.

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on August 27, 2012 at 5:16 pm

   Chris,
   The first point is ownership of the house. How did you buy it? Was there a declaration of trust to protect your inheritance?
   Why are you so sure you don’t have a claim for residence of the children and for financial remedies against your former partner under the Children’s Act?
   You need detailed, good, legal advice in relation to the house, children and finances, fast.
   Marilyn

motherfox on September 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hi Marilyn,
I would like to know in all the cases does not the guilty party have to maintane the life style of the not guilty.
Why should I suffer if my ex husband could not be faithful.
I have given him 23 yr of my life, 4 children, supported him
when I could work. I was Injured at work, so I cant work.
He now earns 20 x more then any money I get, He has a bouns of -+ R500 000.00 extra a year. Yet I must fight for him to pay me R2500.00 a month, this he agreed to in our divorce contract (untill I re-marry or die). I have to take him to court to get him to do this.

motherfox
(to protect my children and myself, I use this name)

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on September 21, 2012 at 10:45 am

   Hi Motherfox
   I assume you are writing from South Africa? Im so sorry to read of your plight.
   I dont think the legal system in SA is very fair to non working wives and I have had a case where fortunately we were able to persuade the English court to hear the case, even though the husband was trying his best to proceed in South Africa and my client was still living in South Africa at the time. This meant that my client could receive a very fair award of spousal support in accordance with English law.
   In this country however, having an affair is not a basis for paying maintenance. It used to be the case, but when the law was changed in 1973, it became all about meeting both parties financial needs.
   What that means, is decided ultimately by a judge if the parties cant agree between themselves.
   In South Africa your pre nuptial agreement should stand up in law, but its unfair, because as you point out his income is presumably much higher than it was when you made the agreement and now you cant work. This is a real problem with an inflexible but legally binding pre nup.
   In England the law is going to change to provide that qualifying pre-nups will be upheld but only if the other party’s needs are met. Again it will be up to the Judges I expect, to decide what that means in the context of each case although the new law might include some guidance.
   Thank you very much for writing to me and I send you my best wishes.
   Marilyn

Karen on October 17, 2012 at 9:35 am

I am thinking of living with my partner who pays spousal and child maintenance, will my income be taken into consideration?

Marilyn Stowe on October 17, 2012 at 11:59 am

Hi Karen
Your income is relevant in meeting your own needs and contributing to your joint outgoings. It is not used to pay a future partner’s spousal or child maintenance.
Regards
Marilyn

Mark Marsh on December 12, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I am going to court next week to try and persuade the judge as to why I cant pay my ex wifes solicitor’s fees and divorce costs,do you have any advice on what I can say please?, my ex wife kept everything in the house and I mean everything ! All I walked away with were my clothes and a box of dvds, she also took her new partner on a 3 week trip to America which was changed from my name, she now lives with her new man and has been for a while, the police have given her a written warning for the harassment of me and my partner, I am going through a bankruptcy order at the moment due to high debts during the marriage. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on December 12, 2012 at 10:12 pm

   Hi Mark
   You don’t say exactly what the application before the court is. If you can clearly specify what it is I may be able to give you some pointers.
   Marilyn

Mark Marsh on December 12, 2012 at 10:27 pm

My ex wife has applied for me to pay all her costs and fees, I left her due to my belief in her cheating with the man she now lives with, she filed in the grounds of unreasonable behaviour even though I left her, in my court letter it says that the respondant pays the costs of the petitioner such costs to be assessed if not agreed. Thank you for any help.

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on December 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

   Mark
   I assume this hearing is following decree nisi and you intend to be heard about the question of costs. If so I would suggest you tell the Judge you did not defend the petition because whilst it is correct the marriage has irretrievably broken down you could but did not cross petition on the basis of her adultery with another man in order to save costs. As such you strongly object to a costs order against you which would be unfair in the circumstances. You could add (if this is correct)had you been represented the costs issue could have been negotiated away on the basis you would not cross petition.
   Do you have proof of her cohabitation? It might be useful to take to the hearing.
   Costs are in the discretion of the Judge and in family cases it is usual to make no order but the court can make costs orders for divorce.
   I don’t know how much out of the ordinary in terms of costs has been incurred by your wife’s solicitors so that’s something to think about – have they been obliged to track you all over, get an enquiry agent to serve you, to get the case to decree nisi? If so, why?
   If you are bankrupt I would also mention that to the Judge too.
   These are just general pointers and given without liability as is all my advise on this blog and no substitute for taking your own personal legal advise.
   Regards
   Marilyn

salli on December 23, 2012 at 6:50 pm

HI,

My ex has just pulled my maintenance (thousands) and now I get nothing. What can I do? I know he has savings and has just bought a big car (£32,500) and owns two houses and his GF works full time. He tells me because he is not working that he cannot support his two boys.

I think he saw me and my new BF and baby going to Paris and assumed he was funding it – when it came from my business money/wages.

I believe there to be a welfare issue in that I have just relocated from London to Sheffield and our two boys have settled in to local schools (12years old and 7 years old). The younger one is very bright and I could see that smaller class sizes would benefit his need for attention as his behaviour can be a little wayward in larger numbers of children – much to do with his own father leaving him five years ago and muy struggle to maintain a steady life for them.. inevitably it affected both boys differently. Things are very stable here now and I am left cold that he has decided to upset a happy apple cart at this stage when things couldn’t have been better for the boys with much work and support put in both ways.

I have always supported contact. I am committed to alternate weekend journeys from Sheffield to London to drop the boys off to see their Dad. Without his ££ support I will not really be able to afford this but wish for them to see their Father despite the fact that he isn’t prepared to financially support them.

Thank you for any advice,

Salli

JamesB on December 24, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This article should also read against child maintenance also, especially with formula broad brush approach.

What I mean is, if your ex took the big settlement and has house paid for and is with a high earning boyfriend (or husband) who lives there who has no other children, then paying child maintenance in that situation I suggest is well dodgy, especially if the NRP is being denied contact and struggling to make ends meet and the PWC walked out on him for her affair with the other fella anyway.

As I say before, what a mess. There needs to be some fairness and morality with these decisions or people will vote with their feet and avoid lawyers and court and marriage and CSA as they are doing. Perhaps that is no bad thing. But I would prefer more civilisation than the law of the jungle and a system which is fairer than that, also would help with lawyers. But, failing that, and with the continuing monopoly of policy by feminist lobbyists, I will avoid these institutions also and vote with my feet until they get real and more fair. They need to have more discretion and be fairer and more in tune with natural law.

Toots on December 28, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Hi Marilyn
At 41 I have just found out that I have limited time to have more children.. Very saddened by this I am considering having one with my partner ( non cohabiting) which he would love. However I am saddened further to find myself worrying if having a baby would allow my ex to stop my spousal maintenance ? Please don’t think I am a mum who sits at home all day … And this is an excuse to do so! I do pt work and
Volunteer!

I appreciate your response. Many thanks

Robyn Slade on January 23, 2013 at 9:41 am

Please can you give me some advice – My husband (South Africa) has custody of his son and his ex-wife lives in England she currently pays about R1650 (depending on the exchange rate) per month for child support – he has just gone to high school and we’ve asked her to please pay R2200 per month plus half of all his new uniform stationery, school deposit and textbook requirements (about R3000 once off) she is refusing – what can we do to enforce this across the borders
thanks I would appreciate your response

Hayley on January 30, 2013 at 12:11 am

I am a mother of 1 child who’s father does 3 years ago. My daughter was 2 and a half when he died suddenly. He had no life insurance and therefore I became a mother on benefits and I am now in part-time employment. I have moved on and in a relationship but my partner was married and also has 1 child with his ex-wife. What gets me is that there are women and men who like me have to manage on their own with no maintenance from an ex and we survive yet just because a marriage is over the man has to pay his ex wife money until she re-marries or dies and also the child support. My partner is very good and doesn’t complain about paying it but I have a problem with it. She moved on before him and has been living with her partner for about 3 years. He moved out of their family home for her to look after their daughter which she has now sold and moved (he did not get a penny) and she has now had a child with her partner. Also, she worked full time as a teacher and annual salary is a lot more than my partners. Now what annoys me is that my partners ex-wife is a full time working woman with a decent salary with a man living with her who is also a teacher yet my partner is struggling financially in a studio apartment. Why is it that just because of a marriage breakup does the man have to suffer and the woman gets to be looked after. Is it not fairer if the woman and the man then have to stand on their own 2 feet and go to work and manage like everyone else. As I said before I don’t get maintenance costs, yes I struggle to get by but that’s life. Me and my partner would like to live with each other one day but if he still has to pay maintence costs to his ex-wife and child then how on earth are we supposed to move on and live together. My benefits will go down because of his income yet we are still expected to survive while his ex-wife has her teachers income as well as her partners income and also my partners maintence. I really don’t think this is at all fair. Just because you are married then you are tied financially to that person forever. They are grown ups and there are people out there that are not that lucky to get maintenance costs and they are still expected to survive. I think the system in place is very much for the woman and its me fair for them to get everything and the man to be left with nothing.

A husband on January 31, 2013 at 5:13 am

I have a question out of curiosity.

Is a husband in UK required to pay maintenance to his wife during his marriage? Or is it possible for a wife to apply for maintenance to the court during her marriage?

This is the case in Singapore. It is said that the rule is inherited from English Common law. I am just wondering whether this rule is currently being used or not in UK.

Thank you.
A husband

Wayne on April 1, 2013 at 4:26 pm

Marilyn,

Could you give me some advice on the following situation please? I am currently paying maintain to my ex-wife for our 2 daughter’s who at the time that our divorce was ratified by the courts were still in school and living with her. Now that time has moved on our eldest daughter has completed her A levels and gone onto university whilst our youngest has progressed onto college.
Both my ex-wife and I have moved on and we still remain on reasonable speaking terms. The question I have is concerning my ex-wife and that she now has her new partner living with her & our youngest daughter in our former marital home. We agreed the amount I would pay as maintenance between us and these figures were cited on our divorce papers, and accepted by the court. Throughout the last few years of our marriage and the time since my wife has been the higher earner of us, a situation that still continues. I am not looking to shirk any of my responsibilities but was wondering if I would be entitled, by law, to ask her if we could agree a lower amount of maintenance in light of her new partner cohabiting with her?
Thanks for giving question your consideration,
Wayne

Eryl Jones on April 3, 2013 at 9:05 am

Dear Marilyn
I will be very grateful if you can advice me on my case.

I have been married for 15 years and I have 4 kids the youngest one is 8 and the oldest 17. Me and my wife have been separated for 5 years. I have been living and working in Qatar for the last 8 years and the kids and my wife are living in UK. My wife refused to work for no reason so I fully support them financially by paying all the bills, food, schools fees, house rent etc. and I will continue to do so until the kids get 18 years of age.

We both have partners and we agreed to get divorce on the basis that we have not lived together for more than 5 years without going to court but my wife is refusing to sign now because she is demanding a spouse maintenance until the rest of her life which I am not willing to pay because she and her boyfriend are lazy to go to work and want to live on my back. We have no house no pensions so we have nothing to share. My question is as an expat dose the UK divorce law apply to me and what would you advice me to do.

Kind Regards
Eryl

Tracy on April 4, 2013 at 1:30 am

Hi Marilyn
Would my ex husband still be required to pay me spousal maintance once he moves to europe ?on our consent order he was required to pay me untill death or re marriage he has been paying ,but I think that this is he way of getting out of our legal aggreement

Kind Regards
TJ

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on April 7, 2013 at 2:38 pm

   Hi Tracy
   Yes. You can enforce an order though googling REMO at Gov.uk It’s a faff but it can be done.
   Regards
   Marilyn

Pete on April 12, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Hi Marilyn
Firstly, thanks for producing these very informative blogs, most helpful. This is probably a very basic question with regards to SM but one which I have struggled to find the answer to:-
Would spousal maintenance be awarded as a matter of course in order to balance out or share incomes, even if the lower earner can fully support herself with a reasonable standard of living and still have expendable income?

In my case I wanted my STBX to have a larger share of our property in orderto keep her mortgage outgoings lower so that her income would cover all living expenses and still leave a reasonable amount (£500/month) as expendable income. Admittedly, even after my increased mortgage and other outgoings I would still be a bit better off than her, would this then be taken into account and expect me to pay SM, or would the fact that I have offset this by allowing her increased captital from the FMH allow a cl;ean break?? I appreciate you could not give definitive answers but some guidance would help.

Many thanks, and keep up the good work!!

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on April 12, 2013 at 4:57 pm

   Dear Pete
   Spousal support is based upon reasonable need both as to amount and duration.
   Regards
   Marilyn

Anna on April 12, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Hi Marilyn, My Husband has a child from an affair 10 yrs ago and has been paying the CSA every month. He will be retiring in 3/4 yrs. He will be taking a lump sum from his pension so can the CSA take money from his lump sum? Can they access it even before he gets it or will they try and take it from his Bank Account? If he puts the money in my Bank account and says he has no money now, what will the CSA do?

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on April 12, 2013 at 4:59 pm

   Dear Anna
   If he has a child then he should support that child and has a duty in law to do so.
   Regards
   Marilyn

Yvie on May 16, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Hi Marilyn – my son and his ex. had a clean break divorce. However as part of the divorce settlement he signed the house over to his ex.. Unfortunately his name still remains on the mortgage although she has agreed to indemnify him.

My son has now heard that his ex. plans to remarry shortly. What will be the position regarding my son’s name on the mortgage. Is there a possibility that he will now be released so that he can take a mortgage on himself in the future if he wishes to. The mortgage is interest only.

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on May 16, 2013 at 8:14 pm

   Dear Yvie
   I agree it seems wrong for him to remain liable and it may be he can apply to be removed or apply for an order for sale but I can’t advise without seeing the court order and also the conveyancing file when the transfer occurred.
   I’d suggest he has a conversation with his solicitor. Sorry to appear unhelpful but without sight of the documents I can’t help.
   Regards
   Marilyn

Yvie on May 16, 2013 at 8:34 pm

Thanks for your prompt answer Marilyn. Although he was divorced three years ago, he has never actually had a copy of the sealed orders. However, he contacted his solicitor about this a couple of weeks ago and is awaiting her response. Best wishes.

1. 

   Marilyn Stowe on May 16, 2013 at 8:36 pm

   Dear Yvie
   She probably has to retrieve the file. Any issues let me know.
   Best wishes
   Marilyn

Yvie on May 17, 2013 at 7:01 am

Many thanks Marilyn.