Comments on: Juggling marriage, motherhood and a career: can you do it?

By: JamesB

JamesB — Tue, 31 May 2011 21:15:58 +0000

Agree with Lukey, is about respect. Women and men need to be ok with either being the main earner and compromise and be ok with each other rather than fighting sexual politics. As I think I have said before, I like it when men and women get on and I’ll drink to that.

Women wanting to earn a lot and then expecting the man to earn more I think is much of this problem and is sad. Hopefully that attitude will change and more respect between the sexes will happen (rather than going back to the 50s, or Islamic). See, I am not a misogynist as my ex wife and some exes would say, quite progressive really .

By: JamesB

JamesB — Tue, 31 May 2011 21:11:33 +0000

Marilyn, I am not sure it is a conscious choice. Bit rushed as have my dinner on the way.

Personally I have really enjoyed bringing up children. I have 3. I do often think that the women who I refer to, often University educated and childless into 40s may regret not having children.

My beef with that is I couldn’t wait, and I had young relationships founder where the girl wanted to pursue career.

Informed decision making, yes, I am all for that and agree with that. I certainly do not want my two daughters tied to the kitchen sink. That said, I do not want them approaching the age of 40 desperate to find a man and have children with.

By: Lukey

Lukey — Sun, 29 May 2011 19:35:45 +0000

Divorce rates have fallen off for 2 reasons:

(i) The economy is difficult at the moment, it is known that divorce tends to decrease in hard times – basically people tend to put it off until their financial position becomes clearer.

(ii) The marriage rate hasn’t just dropped – it’s gone off a cliff, so it is inevitable that the divorce rate will drop – this doesn’t mean that couples (if you include cohabitants) are splitting up less frequently.

As for women working with children – women should do what makes them happy and what they can agree with their partner – at least it is one area where nobody is trying to legislate – yet

By: Marilyn Stowe

Marilyn Stowe — Sun, 29 May 2011 09:56:15 +0000

Hi James
Thanks very much for all your comments, Im going to reply to them.
In this case, choosing not to have a family – its a lonely choice don’t you think? But on the other hand, it’s all about the right to make choices?
Regards
Marilyn

By: JamesB

JamesB — Sun, 29 May 2011 09:05:24 +0000

The professional women I know are single. Thus they don’t divorce or worry about husband or children.

By: Marilyn Stowe

Marilyn Stowe — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 21:22:10 +0000

You are absolutely right and how I sympathise with you. What I didnt mention in my post, is that I used to be mainly a commercial litigation lawyer. I loved the work which also included international aspects. It was highly stressful and so I had to change direction after Ben was born as I wanted to keep working as a lawyer. I found myself taking an unplanned, different direction into family law, first with commercial clients who were getting divorced and asked me to represent them. I found it very interesting work, with pressure that I could (mostly) handle, work I could (mostly) do without the requisite after hours/late night toil/deadlines/ and I am very glad I did it. So I kept going in that field, decided to specialise, and gave up commercial work.
I never studied family law at University, and studied it only as it was a compulsory option for my final professional exams. My original goal was always corporate law – but whats that saying;- Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans?
Thank you for your valuable comments and please dont hesitate to get in touch again.

By: Natalie

Natalie — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:44:29 +0000

I agree that it is possible to practice law and have a family life although I believe this is highly dependent on the practice area and question if it would be a ‘happy’ family life. Family law may offer a degree of flexibilty but having practiced in banking and litigation and observing harassed and emotional mothers around me I do not agree this is the case across the board. The pressures faced by mothers in law is unlike the pressure that mothers face in in other professions such as medicine, pharmacy, accountancy and teaching. There is little pressure in other professions to attend evening client drinks, to work late nights at short notice and there are clear guidelines as to working arrangements. All these things can make or break a legal career. Many of the mothers that I knew had who had returned to work 4 days, were taking work home, coming in at weekends or even going home to pick their children from a child-carer and then coming back into the office at night. I agree that to become a successful lawyer you have to work hard and dedicate the hours and compromise your personal commitments at times but I can also say that to become a successful mother and to have a happy marriage you need to allocate time to nurture both your children and your marriage. I do not agree that both are compatible if practising in corporate law. I’m sure some female lawyers will tell you that their firm was very supportive of their decision to have a baby but you would then have to question why these women would only take a few months maternity leave.And matters can be complicated if you become pregnant betyween 25- 30 the early years of a career in law. 6 months maternity leave often signals career suicide for a lawyer at this stage as there is often little room for flexibilty. All these issues can take their toll on a marriage and family life but thats not to say that you cannot work as a lawyer and have children.