Comments on: Is there such a thing as a Man-o-pause?

By: Lenny

Lenny — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:59:34 +0000

Indeed. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. (Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr 1808-1890)

Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. (Variant of the original observation by George Santayana 1863-1952)

So much in the known universe, from the birth and death of stars taking billions of years, to fleeting events such as a heartbeat, is subject to cycles, and those cycles may be components of even larger cycles. It would be strange, therefore, if marriage too didn’t have a cyclical character. Some suggest that the reality for most couples is that they will fall in and out of love with each other several times over the course of their marriage, depending on the peaks and troughs in their cycle, some of which, such as the seven year itch and the male mid-life crisis, may be predictable, even though their intensity may not.

If a couple are in a deep trough phase of the cycle, and unable to see how they can emerge from it, then inevitably they’ll start thinking about divorce as the only solution. The sad thing is that marital problems are incredibly complex, and most of us have little idea of the width and depth of the issues involved, or how to tackle them. The fact that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages is testament to that, and to Santayana’s observation.

If one, or both of the parties then consult a solicitor, the solicitor too will likely be as uninformed on the complexities of marital conflict as the client. The legal options will then be presented, and because they are seen as the distilled wisdom of intelligent people who spend their lives dealing with these issues, a depressing fatalism about the whole business will then have fertile ground in which to take root.

Over recent years the medical profession, of which I’m not a member, has started to recognise the limitations of a purely allopathic approach, and to embrace the benefits of alternative therapies that bring results, often at lower cost, and with fewer side-effects. Some practices have their own alternative therapists, some have close links other alternative practices.

Has this trend spread to the legal profession yet, because it strikes me that particularly for practices that specialise solely in family law, many clients would benefit from being encouraged to spend time with someone who was equipped to unravel their particular story, and from acquiring a wider understanding of the issues involved and approaches to tackling them, as opposed to going straight for the euthanasia option. Ideally, such a practitioner could form part of the practice, although presumably there would have to be a Chinese Wall, as in other professions.

By: Marilyn Stowe

Marilyn Stowe — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 21:06:25 +0000

Thank you very much for your contributions. I think there is a lot we can learn from history as it does tend to repeat itself. Human nature doesnt change does it- no matter how great or how long ago.

By: E. Paul Imhof

E. Paul Imhof — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 12:09:33 +0000

You raise a good question Bill Clinton might answer under oath with: “That’s a matter of definition.” Regardless whether there is a male version of HRT or not a divorce lawyer kind and competent enough to advise overemotional and utterly helpless clients to go home and try to reconcile deserves a chance to make a bundle. Mazel Tov!
Napoleon Bonaparte was invincible before he met Josephine. Hybris not HRT tempted him to conquer Russia. That was the hehe det his wife aside for a new model 30 yers her junior. beginning of his empire’s demise. Jackie Walker hop on a plane to my native Vienna, Austria, if you please as long as I am around. in 4 weeks I return to California where I belong. to correct the notion that he set her aside for a new model some 30 yers her junior. Marie Louse was the Habsburg emperors’ daughter. Her uncle Archduke Charles beat Napolean at suburban Aspern 200 years ago, regrouped his army and defeated the Austrians at nearby Wagram. The young Arch-Duchess was a pawn to legitimize the Corsico-born upstart and assure peace in Europe. That diplomatic ploy didn’t work and the rest is history. .

By: Jackie Walker

Jackie Walker — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 09:50:42 +0000

What a great post Marilyn, thank you. It brought to mind Chapter 11 in Napoleon Hill’s ‘Think and Grow Rich’ – where he points out that the men of greatest achievement and those who’ve accumulated great fortune and outstanding recognition have all had highly developed sex drives and been motivated by a woman.

Napoleon Bonaporte who of course had Josephine by his side, was invincible. Unfortunately when he set her aside for a new model, he began to decline and it wasn’t long before he met his defeat and St Helena. This apparently is very common – and I quote

” …. scores of well known men who climbed to great heights of achievement under the stimulating influence of their wives, only to drop back to destruction after money and power went to their heads, and they put aside the old wife for a new one.”

Unfortunately I believe that as a society the same holds true of many successful career women .. but with their husbands.