Marilyn Stowe Blog

Women’s Aid Calendar 2009

A 2009 calendar called “Happy Places” has just been published, with all proceeds going to support the work of two charities that are close to my heart. Women’s Aid and Refuge both provide invaluable support to victims of domestic violence, and I was proud to be asked to appear in this latest fundraising effort. I was photographed in one of my “Happy Places”, Roundhay Park in Leeds, with my two dogs.

Why me, and why do I have such strong feelings on this subject?

Well, exactly five years ago, on 3 December 2003, I was myself the victim of a cowardly attack. I was about to get into my car at the end of a busy day at my office in Leeds, when I noticed three men crouched behind a car on the opposite side of the car park. They all wore balaclavas, and one carried an iron bar.

When they saw me, one of the men shouted, “It’s her!” Realising that I was about to be attacked, I screamed as loudly as I could to try and attract attention, and ran for my life.

I made it out of the car park, through an alleyway and onto the main road before they caught up with me. I remember the feel of woollen gloves upon my face as I was thrown onto the floor by my head. One of the men began pulling at my finger, to try and get my engagement ring. I remember that as I fell, my foot landed awkwardly and I thought, “Well, I won’t be running again for a few months” – but I felt no pain. I went into a state of complete numbness. I felt nothing, but my mind was working overtime. As one man held the iron bar over my head and shouted to the others, “Kick her head in! Kick her head in!” I suddenly thought, I’m going to die and Ben won’t have a mummy any more. How will he manage without me?

Perhaps it was my professional training or perhaps it was shock, but I was the calmest of all of us. The men were shaking and one of them wouldn’t stop screaming. I told the man pulling at my hand to stop, and that I would ease off my ring. It was hard to get off because my finger had already swollen up. Then I told them to take my handbag, which I was holding over my head to shield me from the iron bar. As their shouting became more frenzied, people came running out of the office and the men ran away. It was over in minutes.

Of course, the people who organised and carried out this attack have never been caught, and their motive has never been discovered. Perhaps it was a robbery, perhaps it wasn’t. This crime, like many others, is now a mere statistic.

The next day I forced myself to go back into work. I was on autopilot and still in shock, but I wanted to keep going and not give in. I suffered bruising all over my body, and a badly sprained foot that kept me from running for several months. But I was lucky. The worst of the scars, without a doubt, were the emotional ones. It was about 15 months before I was over the worst of unexpected and irrational panics, feelings of terror and flashbacks to the attack.

I have never been a victim of domestic violence, and I cannot imagine the horrors experienced by women (and men) who find themselves in such a dreadful position. However, I do know how it feels to be defenseless. Violence in any form can never be justified – and should certainly not be excused when the attacker is a member of one’s own family.

That is why I am so proud to be associated with this calendar, and proud to have been asked to appear in its pages. In the months following the attack, I didn’t like going to many places on my own. But Roundhay Park, which is beautiful throughout the year, is where I spent quite a bit of my childhood playing with friends. It has always been a special happy place for me. My parents live high up in an apartment overlooking the lake; when I am running in the park I wave to them, and I feel happy and safe.

If you would like to contribute to this good cause, you can purchase a copy of this calendar for £7.99 plus p+p from eBay’s charity shop.

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