Marilyn Stowe Blog

A wake-up call

I have witnessed – and come to respect – the power of emotion on both sides of a divorce.

Sometimes I’m asked if I like being a family lawyer. It’s not a hard question to answer. I like people, I like helping people and I like observing human nature. I think it helps me in my own efforts to improve myself as a person.

I encounter situations that arise out of human fallibility, and I try hard to help others avoid going down the same tough roads.

People may look different from one another, and speak different languages, but in my experience we are created to think and feel along the same lines.

Within their individual boundaries, people share an understanding and appreciation of good and bad, moral and immoral.  With our thoughts, desires and actions, none of us are perfect human beings. None of us can claim to be anything other than fallible, even though we may sometimes think we know all the arguments and the answers. We are created imperfect, Adams and Eves all of us.

It is this very fallibility, and the realisation that dawns when people don’t have answers to questions they don’t understand, which gives rise to the problems presented to me. The causes of the problems are often the same, brought about as they are by failed relationships. The client, unable to control emotions and perceived needs, becomes lost in a terrifying, chaotic situation.

Emotions are so difficult to control. For some of those stuck in the sameness of an everyday routine, a sudden encounter with the strongest of emotions can result in a decision to throw caution to the winds. The power of that emotion can knock a person off balance forever.

I have witnessed – and come to respect – the power of emotion on both sides of a divorce. Often things are said that are not meant, or things remain unsaid. When this happens, the situation can further worsen. Sometimes, when clients crave for more in their lives, I advise them to be grateful for the sameness of an everyday routine.

Over almost 30 years I have witnessed and, I hope, helped thousands of people to cope with the trauma of family breakdown. I encourage my clients to concentrate on the positive, rather than the negative. Even when events and emotions are difficult to face, the best remedy is always to concentrate on the future – however difficult that may be. Feelings of revenge, bitterness, anger and depression are all very well, but they destroy only the person who feels them and have no apparent effect on the target of those emotions.

Yesterday can’t be changed. Tomorrow can be.

Related posts:

1. Call a Christmas truce
2. A New Year, a new beginning?
3. Room for manoeuvre
4. Pandora's Box
5. ITV, “D-Day” divorce – and me